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Original poster

I am depressed without a clue how to cope.

118 replies

MelodyBaker · 08/02/2013 19:03

This might be long.
I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.

My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight.
About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.

Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.

It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me.
I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 14/02/2013 08:36

Oh glad the birthday hasn't derailed you. Days like that are hard, but if you can get through you're doing great.

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 18/02/2013 15:36

I have a cruise appointment Thursday and Nhs counselling two weeks today. I cannot wait to get some of this stuff of my chest and out of my system Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
MelodyBaker · 18/02/2013 15:37

I have been pushed ahead for Nhs counselling as I am severely depressed according to the letter

OP posts:
Nagoo · 18/02/2013 16:10

That is good news about the counselling. how long must you wait?

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 18/02/2013 19:57

I have an appointment in two weeks for nhs. I'm really pleased that I'm getting help

OP posts:
WednesdayNext · 19/02/2013 11:52

That's good. Pleased they're not keeping you waiting too long

Nagoo · 19/02/2013 12:41

So are we x You have been through a lot x

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 19/02/2013 19:13

blames her coldm
Really cannot wait to start. Is there anything I will br asked?

OP posts:
Dumper · 21/02/2013 11:41

Well done!
I'm not sure what you'll be asked Mel, I've seen a few counsellors but it was a long time ago. They are all probably a bit different too.
I used to find that I'd think of things I wanted to discuss and then by the time the appointment came I'd forget or feel differently so I used to write down things when they popped into my head and take the notebook with me.
Sometimes on a good day it's hard to remember how bad you felt the day before, if you know what i mean?

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 21/02/2013 16:05

Hello!
Seen cruise. Lovely fit man who listened and asked questions about how I feel, about my friend and some Ideas re coping. He will see me next Friday and will see If the strategies he's given me work. I have to take photos with me and we are going to work through memories and why I might be angry at the world.

OP posts:
Original poster
MelodyBaker · 24/02/2013 10:09

Have NHS counselling in the morning. Really dreading it.

OP posts:
Dumper · 27/02/2013 06:56

How did it go Mel?

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 27/02/2013 21:12

Really well. Lots out in the open. According to him, the ads aren't working(!) But to keep trying.

OP posts:
Dumper · 28/02/2013 06:57

How long have you been on them? Is it citalopram?

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 28/02/2013 21:36

Since august dumps 40mg citalopram a day. Very high dose.

OP posts:
ILoveBagels · 28/02/2013 23:38

how did the therapy leave you feeling?

WednesdayNext · 01/03/2013 10:59

If your citalopram isn't doing anything at that dose, you really need to have your medication reviewed

Dumper · 01/03/2013 20:36

I agree with wed I've been on citalopram for a long time, they help me but I couldn't handle 40mg! I'm on 30.
And if they're gonna help you they should be doing their stuff by now!

WednesdayNext · 02/03/2013 00:13

I'm on 40, and if you can't see improvement on a dose like that, something's wrong.

There's no point you taking that level of AD if your counsellor says they're not working.

Have you noticed any difference?

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 02/03/2013 07:22

I have seen a difference since taking them. I don't know why he thinks they don't help because they do.

Counselling helping - its good to talk and get all my feelings that I can't talk about to anyone else out in the open. I'm improving. Slowly but surely. Long way too go but I'm doing it

OP posts:
WednesdayNext · 03/03/2013 11:04

If you've noticed the difference that's good. I'm concerned your counsellor says no difference though - but getting help and being able to talk about it will be the better thing long term. I'm pleased your counseling is helping you x

Original poster
MelodyBaker · 03/03/2013 11:16

I was very open on Monday. Answered everything in detail. Told him how I felt and he seemed to jump to that. Because at 1 point I wanted to end it all he thought they weren't working.

OP posts:
Original poster
MelodyBaker · 03/03/2013 11:16

He was young (22) and didn't have a great grasp of severe depression.

OP posts:
WednesdayNext · 03/03/2013 11:55

That is quite young for a counsellor, but he must know what he's doing or they wouldn't employ him I guess.

ILoveBagels · 03/03/2013 16:45

hmmmm, it doesnt sound like you have fully 'connected' with your therapist. it's no good making excuses for him or whatever because in order to go deeper into yourself and really face painful stuff, you will need to feel totally understood and supported at the beginning. did you feel this way?

if you are attending specifically for severe depression, it would seem to me to be vital that the therapist has experience in this?

i hope i dont sound too bossy, i just feel strongly about people being given access to the right help with the right skillset.