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Mental health

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Original poster

Depression that's more about inertia and low motivation....

19 replies

Blackden · 31/01/2013 10:54

than sadness?

I rarely feel terribly sad but I just don't feel like doing anything, because everything is a monumental effort.
I live alone now and it's even harder to get started with anything at all.
I work pt from home.
Some examples : I haven't been out of the house since Saturday, or seen/talked to anyone since then, I haven't had a shower for days, I can't be bothered making anything to eat so am eating junk (but plenty of it, my appetite only dulls if I'm in a very depression). I tend to put off my work till the last minute and it's a real effort to get started on it. And my house is a complete mess - like me.

I'm not on medication at the moment, although I have taken various of the SSRI's in the past.
I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences depression in this way too? Or am I just lonely and bone idle and not depressed at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Blackden · 31/01/2013 11:06

I've just read my post again and I'd sum up my attitude to every thing in one word which is apathy. I'm apathetic and can't seem to shake it.

OP posts:

Imaginethat · 31/01/2013 11:12

I think you sound quite seriously depressed and in need of good professional help. You don't have to put up with this, just horrible for you to feel so bogged down. Have SSRIs been any help in the past?

48Hours · 31/01/2013 11:18

Sounds like depression to me as well! All of the things you have said certainly lead towards symptoms of depression rather than low motivation.
I think you need to go and see your GP and tell him/her your symptoms and see what the response is, good luck.

Original poster

Blackden · 31/01/2013 11:26

I've tried a lot of SSRI's since first major depression in 1990. I had horrid side effects with all of them. Citalopram was probably the one I tolerated best out of all of them.
I found that the side effects were worth it when I was severely depressed. The problem was when I started to feel a bit better the side effects seemed worse than the depression, if that makes sense. Haven't been on meds since 2007 and coped very well until about the last 6 months. I think loneliness is what has pushed me over the edge this time around, and of course when I'm feeling this way the last thing I want to do is make any effort with other people so it's a vicious circle.

Have been reluctant to see GP but I think deep down I know I must.

Does anyone know if there's anything new for depression? I first took citalopram in 1997,surely something better has been developed since then? (May ask this one a separate thread actually).

OP posts:

Imaginethat · 31/01/2013 11:29

Sorry I don't know about new meds but I do recognise your symptoms (having explored depression quite thoroughly myself) as quite serious. Will you get yourself to your GP or does that feel like an enormous task to undertake?

Original poster

Blackden · 31/01/2013 11:35

I'll go to the GP. I've got an appointment booked on Tuesday (that I had been going to cancel because I couldn't be bothered going) because I wanted to discuss something else with her but I'll talk to her about this instead or both if she has time. She's known me for years, so she's very familiar with my history and the problems I've had with meds in the past. Hopefully there may be something different I can try but I think I've pretty much exhausted the usual SSR selection.

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48Hours · 31/01/2013 11:39

The side effect issue is one I can relate to Blackden, I am currently taking venlafaxine which keeps the depression at bay but the side effects are not the best. Mirtazapine (sp) is another newish drug (I think)
Your doctor will be able to talk through with you what may be the best meds for you.
The self isolation issue is a bit like a vicious circle though :( stay in/ hide away feel poo
Is the loneliness issue because you don't have places to go people to see or that you can't face doing these things?

Original poster

Blackden · 31/01/2013 12:07

The loneliness is a bit chicken and egg- but the root cause is what you mentioned first. I work at home which is a bit isolating, and over the years I've lost friends and not made new ones. I do need to make some improvements to my social life but of course now I'm at a point where I don't have the confidence or motivation to go about it. I may have the option to go into the office at work two days a week, starting in April, but that's not definite. I do think that would be a helpful start.

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Original poster

Blackden · 31/01/2013 12:53

Ok so I've had a shower and got dressed and I feel a bit better. I'm going to go out to the nearest town shops. I don't feel up to driving but there's a bus soon that gives me just less than an hour in town before the last bus back so I will do that. I live in a rural community and our bus is a lifeline and is always a bit social - regulars use it so there's a bit of conversation. I don't feel nervous about going but I do feel unenthusiastic and am determined not to talk myself out of going. That's something I've very good at.

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Bakingnovice · 31/01/2013 12:58

Blackden well done on getting out. I hope it's not too stressful for you.

48Hours · 31/01/2013 13:06

I have recently finished a course of sessions with a psychologist called behavioural activation which has been really useful in terms of finding activities that make me feel positive, planning these small activities and then rating how my mood was at the time.
Good on you for getting out and about today and please let us know how the doc visit goes.

Imaginethat · 31/01/2013 21:25

Well done Blackden for getting out. I hope there was someone nice on the bus. It will be interesting to see if it lifts your mood for some time.

springbanana · 31/01/2013 21:57

I have that kind of depression when it is coupled with my mood swings of bipolar disorder. I have had a classical melancolic depression as separate episode, as well.
I kind of prefer this low motivation depression to melancolic one, because I just can't stand the constant worrying and sadness.

Original poster

Blackden · 01/02/2013 14:11

Yes, spring I understand your feelings about the melancholic one. My previous experiences with depression have been more that type than this total apathy and lack of motivation.

48 thanks for mentioning the behavioural activation, I've googled it and got some PDF forms for rating difference in mood before and after activities.

Anyway, I do feel a bit better today. I had a nice chat on the bus yesterday - they're all pensioners but they do know how to have a laugh which is always good for ths spirits. Plus just getting out of the house made me feel better. Interesting that within about 5 minutes of coming back home I felt the black cloud descending though.

Today as I said I feel better. I still had to really push myself to go out but I've had a short walk and planned some actual meals for today rather than huge bowls of cornflakes which is all I ate for about 5 days, oh and mountains of chocolate.

GP appointment on Tuesday so I just need to get through the weekend which is always a difficult time for me.

OP posts:

sensesworkingovertime · 01/02/2013 14:19

I'm no expert but you do sound lonely which is compounding your depression. If you live and work on your own it cannot be helping. You said you are rural but do you see any neighbours to talk to at all? i know what that's like, I live on an 'ordinary' street and if I see my neighbours once a month I'm lucky.

You sound like you really need some counselling at least, I do not have a clue on the medication side of things, sorry. Please carry on making the effort to go out on the bus, to shops etc, that will all help. Thinking of you.

annach · 01/02/2013 14:47

annach · 01/02/2013 14:52

feeling so similar to you. But I'm already on 20mg citalopram and have been for years. Not sure if I should ask for higher dose.

Everything's slipped. Not done any work for almost a month (work from home.) have to hand it over soon - no idea what to do. Sleeping 14-16 hours a day - just about able to stay awake when Dc are home, and then i just let them play on screens cause too tired to do anything but cook for them.
No idea how to climb out of this one.

Sorry, I've jumped on your thread. Came here to post one of my own but saw yours and it says everything i was going to.

Should have gone to town today to buy a birthday present for DS's friend, but too much effort so will stick a tenner in the card. Also rural community, limited friendships, work alone at home.

I find it really hard to get out the house. Not agoraphobic just absolutely apathetic and physically shattered. Days on end go by when I only see outside through the windows. Really need to break this cycle but can't see how.

Cosmic706 · 11/05/2017 13:24

Blackden,

Ive just found this thread while looking for advice. You sound just like me, or hopefully, sounded like me. Obviously that was 4 years ago now. Did you improve? Are you in a better place now? xx

JeansandJumpers · 11/02/2019 16:06

Blackden, Cosmic706 - this has been me for the past two years...it just doesn't seem to be getting any better no matter what I try! I would love to hear how things worked out for either of you...

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