Hospital?

[SnowyMouse]

This evening the crisis team asked me if I would be better in hospital. There is no way I want to be in hospital, how can I persuade them otherwise? (other than saying I'm fine, which doesn't work).

Or the alternative, how can I persuade myself that I would tolerate hospital...I've had a few stays in the past?

Yes, down by a local water. I feel awful today.

But it is so cold brrrrhhhh. Have you ever swam in a lake in winter? I rather stay under the blanket!

snowymouse NO it isn't a good idea to be going out by water at night when you are feeling suicidal, thought I have to admit I have done that but on summer nights not winter ones. Are the crisis team phoning today - please tell them how awful you are feeling. I know you don't want to go into hospital but it might be best because at least the psychiatrist can review your meds and maybe add something that is going to take the edge off your emotional distress.

Keep posting if it helps snowymouse

Incidentally are they ok with you going for a walk in the daytime, and not by the water. I always feel too scared to go out when I am having a bad time but we're all different.

nana speaks good advice. I went in to the assessment ward for 5 days in July. I had to get used to the idea that I was bound to be in for at least a few days, because they need a few days of being around you to assess you properly, and in my case, take me off my SSRI to begin with.

And they don't ply you with questions or anything.

I'm in the NE by the way, the way they run in-patient care may be different where you are?

Thanks both. I'll try to remember when they phone later NanaNina. After all the effort over the past few weeks I don't want to have even a short hospital stay.

Yes, they do say to get out if I can. Chilly today, isn't it?

Yes - don't know where you are but I'm in the West Midlands and there's a biting wind and it's just started raining!

Are you feeling any better than earlier on when you posted. Do you find you are worse at some times than others......mornings are my worst times.

When are the crisis team seeing you again?

Evenings are worse for me. The CT are ringing later to try to distract from going outside.

Is it because evenings are worse for you that you want to go out at night. Does it make you feel any better. Are you having suicidal thoughts when you are out walking at night? If so you can see why the CT are concerned. YOu must follow their advice, so that you can stay out of hospital.

I do feel better outside, but that may be due to the thoughts I'm getting. I am trying hard to do as they suggest.

Bother Everything went out of my head when they rang

It feels too wrong to try and ring them.

Just write down what you wanted to say on a piece of paper for a start...

Good point, it's frustrating, I'll wait til tomorrow now.

I've just dropped myself in it by emailing my CPN about some of the suicidal thoughts, or at least that's how it feels.

That is a good thing to have done, don't worry. The more info they have, the better. Do they feel like 'just' thoughts iykim?

In honesty, they are not 'just' thoughts, it would be easier if they were.

So have you got any strategies to keep you safe? which aiu means staying home at night...

The CT will ring me later. Apart from that it's up to me, staying home is no more safe than going out at the moment.

I don't think you have "dropped yourself in it" by e mailing the CT about your sucidal thoughts. I think you have been honest with them and they can't ask for anything more. OK It might increase their concern but you must remember that they are acting in your best interests.

The thing about suicidal thoughts is that they are a very common symptom of depression. Thankfully it's suicide ideation in most cases (where you think about suicide and methods etc) but you aren't going to actually make an attempt on your life.

When I am having a rough time with depression, I think of suicide quite a lot and I go through the methods that I know, but I don't think I would go through with it.

What do you mean snowymouse that you think you are in danger of attempting suicide. Have you made a plan. I think it's really important that you are honest with the CT.

But you have been really good so far :)

I have been open with the CPN about plans, easier to write than say. I see her tomorrow afternoon, so I'll see what she says then, thanks.

Well the email I sent has got them (more) concerned about my level of risk (and they have copied it to everyone and my notes). They are really pushing day hospital now, but I really cannot face it so they will review that on Monday.

The CT have said they will do daily visits rather than phone calls, it feels like a backwards step to me, but they say phone calls aren't working.

It was very hard to let them in, but I suppose at least I did.

I need to be better by Monday.

I also think lurking on MN helps.

Glad lurking on MN helps - does the same for me, but I think snowymouse that you need to try and stop fighting your illness and those trying to help you. IF you went to day hospital, would they provide transport. What is it that you don't like about it - having to interact with others? Would this be preferable to in patient care. You say you need to be better by Monday but you know that that isn't realistic, so don't make goals for yourself that aren't achievable.

You have to accept that you are mentally ill at the moment (as all of us on the MN threads are of have been in the past) and need support in the same way that you would need care if you had a physical illness. I know that sadly there is still a stigma attached to mental health, but we can't let that stand in the way of getting/accepting the help that we need.

Sorry to sound bossy!!!

I hear what you are saying, NanaNina. I'm not not wanting to do it because of stigma, it's the voices and thoughts which are getting in the way, when I've been unwell before day hospital did help, it feels like it wouldn't this time.