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Original poster

Self Harm

11 replies

50shadesofvomit · 21/01/2013 16:53

I am going through the break up of my 13 yr relationship and have started self harming. I self harmed when I was 8 for 2 years, age 14 for 5 years and am now 36.
I have no friends or adult family who I can ask for help so Im posting here.

I'm nervous about seeing the GP as I don't want to be reported to Social Services.

I know it's not good to self harm but Im struggling to cope pretending that everything is going to be ok. My kids are my priority and I don't want to fuck them up so I know I can't do anything worse than self harm.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 21/01/2013 17:09

I think a lot of people self harm as a coping mechanism. I don't have experience, but I don't think disclosure triggers a SS visit.

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 22/01/2013 21:54

Thank you for replying.

OP posts:
leelteloo · 22/01/2013 22:10

Hi 50shade, I think you are brave to post about your sh; it shows that you know you need support and are looking for a more healthy way to deal with the turbulent emotional situation that you are in right now. What helped you stop before? What are the triggers? What is it about harming yourself that relieves stress? I think you need time with someone to go through these sorts of questions so that you can take back control. Your children are obviously very important to you and the last thing they need is to be worrying about you on top of everything else but they will do if they find out that you are hurting yourself. They will not be able to understand and may blame themselves. Go to the gp and ask for someone to talk to; I think cbt is a very good therapy to help with unhelpful behaviours. Keep posting on mn as well because I am sure the more we talk about our problems and know others are listening, the easier they become to deal with.

MammyKaz · 22/01/2013 22:28

If you don't feel you can go to GP yet then please call a helpline when you feel really low & the need to SH - the Samaritans, Mind. I have experience of this & unfortunately it is an easy coping mechanism to fall back on. There is absolutely no criticism in that comment, I've done it.
But I recognize that you know it's not a suitable way to cope & want to stop. That is your foothold.
You have done it before, you've proven you can do it again. Remember that. Remember your reasons to not do it. Write them down, keep them on you & when you feel the need please read those reasons first. Head off opportunities to SH by trying to offload in some other way.
Find support, whether that be a friend you can trust, your GP, a helpline.
I'll hold your hand whenever I can x

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 26/01/2013 22:35

Thank you for your replies. You guys are the only people that I can talk to.

I have a GP appointment on Monday and will discuss how low and anxious I feel. I'm also suffering insomnia. I slept about 4 hours a night since 30 December. Not sure I can talk about the self harming though.

I think about self harming many times a day. I rarely act on it but Im considering it as we speak. Sometimes picking the scabs from self harm is sufficient as they are fresh enough that they bleed.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/01/2013 01:22

I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to say anything to your GP, it's just a worry that waiting to see whether the things they suggests for you with what you are gong to tell them, is enough time for this to escalate?

Where there any kinds of patterns in the way/time scales you did it before?

What was it that calmed it down in the end? Could you try any of the things you've learnt about living with these thoughts from those previous times?

You're in a very painful situation breaking up with someone after 13 years, I've been married 12 years and it would floor me completely.

Have you tried posting about it in relationships? The posters there are very insightful and understanding, they might be able to ease the pain a little.

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 27/01/2013 22:40

I have posted on Relationships and the posters have been very sympathetic- outraged on my behalf and kept me thinking straight.
I self harm after the kids have gone to sleep so I have decided to try and find new friends to ease that pain.
It doesn't help that I am stuck living with xh for financial reasons and he has a ow. I don't want him back but he's really fucked me up with his actions.:(

OP posts:
Madamekitty · 27/01/2013 22:45

Firstly want to send you big hugs, you must be having a bloody awful time. I've got a similar history to yourself re. SH which is made much worse by hormones. I recently went through a dodgy period (had to shut myself in safe place regularly to stop myself harming), it got so bad I admitted it to the docs. Anyway upshot is I've been prescribed a very low dose of Fluxotine (prozac) - not for depression but for repetitive thoughts which a lot of SH thoughts are (Fluxotine is used to help control things like OCD & PMDD as well as depression). Anyway been on them for 10 months now & its just enough to 'turn off' that voice on my shoulder and be in control.
Please don't be afraid to talk to your doc, they can help.

MammyKaz · 28/01/2013 15:18

50 you're doing the hardest part now, admitting you need to stop & seeking the help & support to do it. I hope your GP is understanding of what you're going through. I agree that sometimes medication can help but honestly they won't help you to stop Selfharming in the long term. That is something that needs to be as a result of a change in how you respond to the overwhelming stress & emotions that arise in your life. Counselling can really help to sort out all the stuff in your head for one & help you figure out what you can do instead of selfharming.
I hope the other thread is offering some practical advise re: your situation with xh. That sounds totally shit Sad
Making New friends is great, although something I actually find quite stressful. However, I'm not sure what you mean by making friends to ease that pain?
But big for where you are now.

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 29/01/2013 03:24

I went to the doctor today and was prescribed an appointment with a psychiatrist and Prozac.
My mental health history is complicated and I saw the GP type "Bipolar?" While I was chatting.

I don't feel particularly sad any more about the situation with xh. I can't sleep, eat, concentrate and feel really irritated and self harm is the only time that I feel calm.

The needing friends thing is about people to hang out with so I can distract myself from feeling so shit. Sleeping so little means I have quite a lot of time to fill. The house is spotless and there's only so much screen time that I can cope with and there's no books or magazines left in the house that I haven't read...

Thank you so much for the messages of support. They mean the world to me.

OP posts:
MammyKaz · 03/02/2013 22:25

How are you 50? Just wanted to say thinking of you & hope that the steps you're taking aren't feeling too scary right now x

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