I've namechanged as I'm worried that I could out my family in RL. I wouldn't want people knowing about the severity of my MH problems.
I have a mood disorder and recently I've been feeling very unwell. I work for myself and I have lost clients over the last couple of weeks because I have been starting to get psychotic symptoms again and I can't hold my shit together. I can't concentrate on anything and I've cocked loads of work up, I've had a crazy couple of weeks. Strange delusions, paranoia to the extent that I haven't been able to open emails and talk to anyone. I'm having some really strange beliefs about things.
I'm too scared to tell DH because he can only find part time work and we can't manage without my income. I have been spending most of my time avoiding DC and DH so they don't know how unwell I am. I literally have nobody who can take up the slack. I'm too ill to function properly and 'normally' and all my family and close friends are miles away. According to MH team and GP I'm 'doing ok', so it's not an emergency. I suppose it is ok by their standards, because I'm not as bad as when I was first refered to the crisis team. I was discharged ages ago, so I should be well enough to get on with things. My life is falling apart and I've let my family down big time. I really don't feel ok, I've not got out of my pyjamas or showered for 4 days and I feel as if my life isn't real. I can't bring myself to leave the house or talk to anyone in RL. Seriously, what do I do? I'm worried that people will just think I'm attention seeking and lazy.
I'm on meds, and they take the edge off, but due to other health problems I don't have much of a choice in that department. I rarely feel 'normal', but I am usually stable enough to wing it by the seat of my pants. GP and my old CPN know this and I am usually good at managing my illness, but this is more than a usual blip. Probably the worst I've felt in a couple of years.