Cyclothymia (bi-polar/mood disorder), please help, I'm going crazy

[FeelingDownNFedUp]

This weeks diary - 4 really, really good days. Felt on top of the world. Really positive, confident and comfortable with everything.

Then Friday - down I come. I had an awful day Friday, totally insecure about everything, felt like everything was a waste of time and felt so down and fed up I just wanted to cry.

This morning I tried to perk myself up. I adopted my usual "I'm ok!" persona, wore the smile, messed around like a loon, had a laugh - but I couldn't keep it up and this evening has been terrible. I feel so down I'm really having trouble holding the tears back. I know I won't sleep, no point in even trying.

I have no idea how I'll feel tomorrow - whether I'll be nice to my kids or a snappy cow like I have been for the past two days. I have no idea how I'll feel about my relationship - the source of much angst for me - I have no idea whether I'll be able to pluck up the motivation to go to the shop and buy the essentials or if we'll be scraping the leftover crap from the freezer for dinner. Jesus maybe I'll be on a high again and have an amazing day - fuck knows.

I honestly feel like I'm starting to go crazy.

Hey i suffer with it to! Sodding nightmare, i call it dont no my arse from my elbow syndrome. Im pregnant at the min which strangly has settled the rollercoaster down a bit, before that though i took lamictal which really helped. You do feel like all the ups and downs drive you crazy, i found that doing just one thing everyday that made you happy and having a good rountine really helped me.
Not sure how much help i have been, but just wanted you to no i suffer with cyclothymia as well

I've tried to get by with no medication but it's getting worse. I'm scared it will descend into full blown Bipolar.

I'm seeing the nurse on Tuesday for a smear test so wondering if I could speak to her about it? or is it best to talk to the doctor?

Id go to the dr. And dont think taking pills for it makes you less of a person like i did for a time, they really do help level everything off.

Go talk to the doctor, it's time to get a bit stable and if that involves taking meds then so be it.
The highs can be wonderful but they are really really not worth the lows, are they?