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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

Advice please.......

9 replies

Basherette · 21/04/2006 19:22

Hi All, I discovered Mumsnet about week ago, and this is my first post. DD is about 8 weeks old, and things feel really strained between me and DH. I thought this was supposed to be a happy time, and something we can enjoy together, but I feel as though he doesn't want to know me. He feels that I overreact all the time, and sometimes I probably do, but I feel the only reason I am doing so is because I feel unwanted by him. I have been seriously considering leaving, but am hoping this is just something that will pass? Any comments much appreciated. x

OP posts:

tortoise · 21/04/2006 19:27

Hi,Welcome to mn! sorry but ive no experience of your situation but im sure someone who is will post a message soon.Just thought i would say hi.

Wembley · 21/04/2006 19:27

Bash this is such a hard time that you are going through at the moment. In the books and at the movies having a baby is , as you say such a happy time but the reality of it is for all of us it's bloody hard work! It puts such a strain on your relationship. The only advice I can give you is talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling. Is there anyone you can ask to sit with your DD for a while so you can go out together, even if it is for an hour or so? Making time for you two is so important.

laughalot · 21/04/2006 19:34

aaahhh hunny dont worry to much that is all part and parcel of having a new baby, your hormones will still be all over the place is it your first ? I have a little boy who is 21 months and when I first had him I was exactley the same I panicked at everything I think that is something that new mummies are good at panacking and you then end up taking it out on your dh I know I did. I think men dont know how to react to us being upset its such a big thing having a new baby but it will get better and so will your relationship, I can always remember saying to my health visitor please tell me life will get better and she laughed and said of course it will, so amny people tell you its the best thing in the world and it brings your relationship closer togeather but they fail to tell you its bloody hard work and it puts a strain on your relationship for a while. I would try and have a bit of you and dh time even if you just nip out for a quick meal while someone babysits your dd. Hears sending you a big hug because I felt the same he isnt pushing you away he probably dosent know how to react to the way your feeling.

laughalot · 21/04/2006 19:34

wembeley great minds think alike

Riddo · 21/04/2006 19:47

I completely agree with everyone else. It's really hard at first. I nearly left my dh when we had dd and it got so much better when I talked to him and explained how I felt. I think he felt a bit helpless to begin with and uncertain of his role as a daddy. Your hormones will settle down which will help. It's a good idea to have some time together away from the baby even if it's only an hour. It's hard to leave them and an hour may be all you can face but it will still do you both good. Sending a big hug.

Original poster

Basherette · 21/04/2006 19:50

Thanks all for the responses, I feel better all ready! We have a party to go to next weekend, and we are staying over night, so DD will be staying with my parents, so looking forward to that.
I know it's probably just hormones, but how long does this last?!?!?

OP posts:

Sparklemagic · 21/04/2006 20:00

Hi Basher

I guess everyone's different with how long it lasts but I definintely found the first six - eight weeks the very hardest, and we started to get more into a routine after this. It is a bloody hard time, and until baby is smiling and laughing it feels a bit of a thankless task, too!

It is definitely about keeping on talking to eachother about how you feel - you are both adjusting to a massive life change.

Don't know if this helps but our health visitor used to bang on about how the most important thing a dad can do for his child is to love it's mother....sounds a bit cheesy but I felt what she was getting at was that your child learns all about relationships from mum and dad, and also gives dad an important supporting role in the early days if he's not able to do much childcare or feeding...by loving and supporting you, even when you may be a bit hormonal, he is doing all he can to help you and help your DD understand about families!

dunno if this makes sense or not....but keep talking to eachother!

laughalot · 22/04/2006 10:12

Basherette glad you are feeling a bit better, it is a good thing you have the party to go to that will do you both the world of good but im giving you the BABY WARNING all you will talk about will be your dd its always the case a night without them seems like heaven but you still end up talking about them and missing them , jokes aside though have a good time at the party and forget your worries for a bit. The hormone things fade with time my hv said it takes a good year to get over having a baby and getting your body back to its normal state, im just happy with the way I am and now im trying for another

Original poster

Basherette · 23/04/2006 09:09

Thanks laughlot, I am trying to be more positive, as long as there is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck with the new baby, let me know when anything happens!

OP posts:

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