Worried about life, it's meaning and what I am etc. Am I weird?

[Mylittlepuds]

Quite a regular poster on here. I was diagnosed with anxiety after the birth of DS 20 months ago. I'm still quite poorly in that I worry about these big questions a lot of the day and it makes me feel just awful. I get dizzy, lightheaded and just feel so down as I can't seem to work out any real answers. When I'm really bad I just need to lie down and read a book/ go on the internet. I'm pregnant again and so I'm worried about it all getting even worse the arrival is here.

I am anchored by my DH and DS but connected to the above I'm petrified of death and leaving them. Recently I almost lost it completely as found a lump under my arm - thankfully all was okay in the end but I just can't cope with the concept of death. It's going to happen - and with many people it happens prematurely. I can't understand that if there's a higher power why children/young adults are given terminal illnesses and the like - the fear they must face.

Sorry about the ramble - just wanted to get it all down.

My mother suffers greatly with these feelings herself as her father died when she was nine which left her mother to raise two children on her own and hold a house together (she had never worked before). My mother obsesses over cancers and feelings she thinks she's experiencing in her body and has extreme stress and anxiety levels because of this. She is a very loving mother to me and we all adore her in our family, but it is a wearing condition and makes you feel very bleak at times.

I can only say you have a wonderful DH and DS who love you very much and will support you no matter how dark your thoughts might be. You can only try and concentrate on the love you have for them and let this help you try to forget the negative feelings you experience. You know many people live to be very old and it's more likely the age we live in there will be fewer diseases and more cures for illnesses than deaths. You need to try and relax about these things, there's absolutely no reason why these things happen to people but that is the way life is unfortunately.

It might not have helped you seeing that, but just so you know there are people going through the same thing and you are not alone with this problem

tc

Thank you so much for your reply :-) I really appreciate it. It is nice to know i'm not alone in this. X

Thank you so much for your reply :-) I really appreciate it. It is nice to know i'm not alone in this. X

Hi Puds, sorry you feel so anxious. You are not on your own by a long chalk. I think most mothers (and fathers) experience more anxiety than those who are childless, purely because we have another life to look after. I Know I am a lot more anxious and cautious since I had my two. I would say it's pretty normal as long as it is not ruining your day to day life.

My mother was/is a very anxious sort of person, no confidence etc. To some degree she has passed this on to me and and my sister, we both managed to get good jobs that required a lot of confidence but it is still the essential part of our personalities. I would not like to pass it on to my children if I can help it.

Have you tried any relaxation therapy ( some good CDs out there for a start) or considered counselling.

When I go to sleep I put an image in my mind sometimes, I'm packing up all my worries into boxes (labelled) and pushing them out to sea (off a cliff or whatever takes your fancy will do).

Hope you feel a bit calmer soon. If you have any good ideas yourself please share them here!

Thank you for your lovely post senses :-) I'm certainly going to give the cliff tip a try! I just feel so overwhelmed at life and want to keep living it with my DH and DS. I suppose it's a good feeling to have in many ways as not everyone has people they love so much but it's so scary too.