I self-diagnosed with depression a few years ago & the GP didn't really question it, he just prescribed Prozac & let me get on with it. I couldn't really put my finger on when it started, although I did have problems with being socially excluded throughout most of my school years. I gradually started feeling less 'down' & began to start living a relatively normal life, although many of the symptoms I'd attributed to the depression persisted. These included things like: a lack of concentration/follow-through on tasks that required being done over a period of time, rather than just doing everything at once; forgetfulness; blurting out things or chiming into conversations at odd moments... I hoped that they were things that just needed patience & would gradually get better by themselves. They haven't!
I was also diagnosed with anxiety while finishing a course I started primarily to get me out of the house to get over the depression. I enjoyed the subject I was studying & actually quite enjoyed writing the assignments when I started but really struggled to make myself do them. I'd regularly think that I really should do some research for a task that was due in a few weeks, but then the TV would be on & I'd just put it off. It'd always come down to the last 24 hour panic with me frantically typing & instructing DH to look up specific quotes that I knew I'd seen somewhere in one of my text books at some point but couldn't locate now! I was given a few doses of diazepam & felt wonderful! It was like I suddenly had no fear of making mistakes or people thinking I was odd & I could just get on with the task at hand. I only took them when I needed to be somewhere or do something specific so the day-to-day things didn't improve but when I did take them I felt more like 'me' than I'd ever done before!
Fast forward 3 years & I'm still disorganised, can't find the motivation to do things, have a feeling that people find me a bit odd & often sleep just because it's something to do to kill a few hours before DH comes home. The main difference between now & when I was first diagnosed with depression is that I don't feel down most of the time. I have one DC & another on the way. I'd hoped that once DS had arrived I'd have to start doing things but he seems very tolerant of my 'lazy' lifestyle. I know it's not great for him but don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I feel like I need someone with me 24-7 telling me to do even the most simple tasks, like when & what to make for lunch. I regularly don't eat anything proper because I can't decide what I fancy or I get distracted & just eat junk to stave off the hunger. I guess I just feel like I don't know how to live like a 'normal' person.
I've only just discovered what ADD is - I always thought it was mostly hyperactivity which, in retrospect, I probably had as a teenager so assumed it wasn't something I might have. Now I've read the symptoms I'm thinking I might have been wrong! I've wondered about numerous different diagnoses over the years but nothing quite seemed to fit. This really does though. In all my school reports I had 'bright but could do better if she tried harder' which always frustrated me because noone told me how to try or what to do & I couldn't figure it out myself. Does ADD necessarily involve doctors/medications/CBT or is it something I can work on myself? I don't want to get a reputation for claiming to have a different conditions every 5 minutes & I don't want to label myself as having something if it's more of a personality trait than an illness. But more than anything, I don't want to keep living like this & feeling like I waste every day doing nothing.