Anxiety, depression and counselling, what happens ?

[WhizzMcFizz]

I have been struggling with post natal anxiety and depression since DC was born (now 15 months). I am seeing a good counsellor with specific PND skills.
I like this counsellor, and feel like I can trust them personally and tell them exactly how bad I am feeling, but I haven't. I've kind of skirted around the major issues in our sessions so far, because I am actually really scared of what will happen if I do.

I don't know anything about the mental health system here, and I'm really worried that things will escalate beyond what I can deal with - it took me a long time to go to my gp and feel comfortable to talk to a counsellor, and I would like to keep doing this. I just worry that if I tell them, then I can't untell them IYKWIM ? I'm not taking anti-depressants, and don't really want to. I definitely don't want to switch counsellors, or go to hospital etc.

I had a bad experience with a health visitor early on who did say "oh well we
can get social services to help with your DC as you are not coping", and I just flat out lied to her ever since that all was ok. Any advice, anyone who has been through this before ?

What are you worried about saying?

Hospitals are a very very last resort, it is very unlikely that would happen.

From what I know they will only intervene, such as admitting you to hospital/sectioning a person if they are incapable of giving permission making a decision. In extreme circumstances it is used really. If someone is at great risk of suicide/serious harm to themselves or others.

I would tell the counsellor that you find it hard to open up to people because you don't want him/her to think that your mad. They will prob say they are there to help, everything will remain confidential (except in extreme circumstances like if you tell them you will kill yourself and your baby they have a duty to act upon those sort of claims seriously)

Why not tell your counsellor that you are skirting around issues right now. With mine, I tell him I have things I need to say but I'm afraid to, embarrassed whatever. Then we talk through my fears and possible outcomes.

How long have you been seeing your counsellor? It does take time to trust them with such huge issues.

The counsellor will keep your confidentiality except if you are a danger to yourself or others or for a child protection issue.

Could you perhaps talk through some of your fears here?

I might be wrong but I am wondering if your main fear is that your child/ren will be taken into care if you can't cope. I spent 30 years in a LA children's service department, involved in child protection amongst other things. PLEASE let me re-assure you that children are not removed from parents because they are depressed. The HV made an insensitive comment to you, but she did say "get Social Services to help if you couldn't cope. She was quite wrong anyway because SSs are now so overwhelmed with work that can't offer any assistance in terms of helping people in your position. We used to have a "mum to mum" scheme, where moms went out to help mums who were struggling for whatever reason. They would help clean and look after children so mum could have a nap. The other help was the SSs would pay for a nursery for the child for a day or two a week so the mum coul dget some respite. However all these kinds of things have gone by the wayside because of lack of funds. I retired in 2004 and things were bery bad then, with lack of funding, but apparently it is much worse now.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that social services are now telling the govt that they cannot take abused/neglected children into care because they don't have the money to care for them i.e. paying foster carers etc. This is because of the way budgets have been slashed.

SO please tell your counsellor everything - and especially if this involves feelings towards you child or worries that you can't cope - please believe me that this will NOT lead to a referral to SSs. Children under the law, can only be removed from parents where they are suffering significant harm.

I am wondering though why you are not taking ADs. I know a lot of people don't like the idea, but they really can be life changing. There are many young mums on these threads with PND who have taken them and got better much more quickly. They have certainly been a life saver for me.

Wishing you well and hoping you can trust what I am saying.