Need help please with depression/anxiety and loneliness

[Kaz12345]

hello everyone, I am feeling very depressed, anxious and lonely at the mo, and am becoming very scared that I keep thinking it would be better not to be here. I have had depression in the past but was 'reactive' (when I split up with a partner). I'm 52, have two teenagers, a partner and a sahm (mostly). I think I'm depressed as relationship with partner not good ... Not awful but not very close and just carry on day to day. children are growing up and not needing me as much so feel very lonely and redundant. Kids will sit upstairs on their ds, me in one room and partner in another, watching diff things on tv. We have no social life together, and I have very little on my own. I am going to docs on Fri, but wake up most mornings, after little sleep, full of anxiety about the future (don't see much point) but this seems to take the form of awful gagging/wretch ing and am sometimes physically sick. I know that I should be going out, taking up new activities, making friends, all the usual advice, but everything seems so pointless and I find it very hard to motivate myself. I think my main feeling is one of being very unloved, everyone in the home takes me for granted and I feel I'm only here for everyone else. I make suggestions for us to go out as a family but my oh says, don't fancy it, and of course, the kids now being 15, don't want to do anything either. I cannot stop the negative thoughts and feel I am only doing what I have to around the house each day in order to get by. I've been reading some of the threads and am hoping my thoughts of not being here are just thoughts, but sometimes feel it is only the thought of the damage it would do to the children that stops me. Can anyone offer me any advice, and also what are the best ad's to take. my gp did give me some citalopram a few weeks ago but tbh I only took them for a couple of days as made me feel very edgy and I don't want to start again until I revisit gp and see if there is anything better. I am scared to say I am having thoughts that I would be better off if not here as worried what the gp will do and what it may set in motion and tbh was worried about the children being taken away, but read on another thread now that that doesn't in fact happen.

I am sorry that this is so garbled and disjointed, but I suppose my main thoughts at the mo is that I am very alone and that no one really cares. I keep telling myself I need to get a grip but finding everything so bleak and such a struggle at the mo.

Hi Kaz, sorry to hear you are feeling so desperate. Loneliness is an awful thing to deal with, especially with depression and anxiety. I'm sure wiser posters will be along soon to give helpful advice, but all I can say is go back to the doctor. Citalopram does make you feel rotten, and even more anxious, for the first few days, but then it can really help. In my experience, I felt bad for about 5 days, then it levelled out and, at that time in my life, it did honestly help me function when I couldn't before. You know the doc won't take your kids away - that's not in anyone's best interests. I hope you have a GP you can trust and feel OK with.

Do you have any good friends or family around who are not your immediate family? Just someone who could give you a cuddle and listen without judging? Regarding your partner, depression can often make us feel like our partners don't care or don't want us around - it puts a dark cloud over everything. But could you get a little quiet time with your partner and tell him how you're feeling? If he knows, and can give you a hug and just sit with you for a while, might that bring you closer?

What stripeyjimjams said.

I found Citalopram really good once the dosage was right (they had to up mine) and I had to switch to taking in the evening rather than the morning. It took a couple of weeks to feel much better once those things were sorted.

Thank you both. It makes me feel not so alone to receive a response. My oh is not the most understanding so feel if I say I m depressed he will just say well you'd better sort yourself out then. in fact I know that. I do have days where I feel a bit better but am just forcing myself to do things and most days it is a real struggle and the fight becomes too much. Today I m still in my dressing gown at 1pm.

On my previous visit to gp he gave me 10mg and I think this is quite a low dose. I was probably not completely honest in how I was feeling.

10mg is a low dose. I started on 20mg and moved up to 30mg. It's better to be honest and say you're really not coping, don't feel ashamed. There's an old adage that I remember from time to time: depression's not a sign that you're weak, but that you've been trying to be strong for too long. Take care, Kaz. x

I too started on 20mg and then it was doubled to 40mg.

I have been started on 10mg and i bared my sole and cried ( not very manly lol)

I have suffered from depression on and off for 20 years. Its horrible and you cant "pull yourself together". You need to persevere with ADs. It usually takes about 4 weeks for them to kick in properly. When youre feeling like you do now I know it sounds like an awful long time! But things will get better, I promise you.
If your OH is not sympathetic I would suggest you talk to someone who is. Its good to have someone give you a cuddle and just be there for you. Take one day at a time. I know its hard to motivate yourself. Do what you really have to and no more. I would suggest that when you are feeling better again that you have a good hard look at your relationship with your OH. Sounds like it needs some work. But now is not the time for that, you arent strong enough. Good luck.

Went to the gp this morn and he has prescribed citalopram again, yet only 10mg. I know they don't have much time but felt v rushed and he just wanted to get me out of door. Did a small amount of shopping, came home, hoovered, emptied and filled dishwasher and had some soup. I know it doesn't sound a lot but have been reading a few threads, especially one where someone talks about procrastination and not being able to motivate oneself and that is me to a tee at the mom. So have decided to feel good about what I have managed! Actually told my OH yesterday how awful I feel, whilst he continued to look at his iPad! He said we can do a few more things together if that will help but he is not going to do anything he doesn't want to do ... He doesn't see that as being selfish, just normal. And yes, I do feel its very selfish.

he sounds as much use as a chocolate fireguard! Im sorry you felt rushed at the docs, maybe see another one if that is the norm. I think you did well to do all that when you got home. Well done Kaz. Could you manage to go and stay with a friend or mum for a few days to get some tlc?

Depression is a torment and no one can understand it unless they have experienced it - well that's my belief. I suppose the GP was slightly irked by the fact that you had been prescribed meds but only took them for a couple of days. As others have said the ADs take 2/3/4 weeks to kick in and it ins't a matter of the best AD to take. It is I'm afraid trial and error and what suits one doesn't suit another, but you can't know this until you have taken them for a few weeks. The early days of taking ADs are usually bad and you get to feel the side effects before the benefits. GPs usually start you on a low dose and then increase it, after a couple of weeks.

I can't see much sense quite honestly in trying to make your OH understand, because he isn't capable of empathy. Teenagers are notoriously selfish (they don't realise it - it's the hormones) and a very difficult time for parents. YOu need a big ego to cope with teenagers!

I don't think you should be worrying about what you should be doing to get more out of life, whilst you are suffering from depression. Once it starts to lift, then you can maybe start to think of easing your isolation. Motivation is a HUGE problem in those of us who suffer fromdepression, so yes you must feel good about what you managed to do today. Cut yourself some slack though - you are ill and need to look after yourself. You say you had depression before - did you take ADs then and if so were they successful? The sad fact is that most people seldom have just one episode, they tend to come and go over the years.

Keep taking the pills and I'm sure you will find they will lift your depression but you have to be patient, as it's a low recovery.

had an awful night. Hardly any sleep, very anxious and agitated. Up and downstairs all night, in bed, on sofa, walking around whilst trying to stop the thoughts. Previously had a nice vending with oh and kids, just chilling, watching tv and chatting and felt good. once in bed the thoughts start. ousted to take amitryptilline at nit for migraines and always slept like a log and was considering if this might be better for me than the citalopram. I have some loft which I could take. My thinking being sleep might help me best at the mo? I've only taken one dose of the citalopram I know but wondering if this is adding to the agitation and thoughts (I know this can be a side effect) and sure you will say plough on!

YES Kaz you must plough on.........really. Sleeplessness is a symptom of depression and your depression is not being treated at the moment. What are the thoughts you are having when you are awake at night? NO Kaz you must not take the amitriptyline - your brain will be completely messed up.

Look love the agitation and negative thoughts are symptoms of anxiety (meaning fear) and depression and anxiety almost always go together, so it is the illness that is causing these symptoms not the citalopram. Having said that it is certainly true that symptoms can get worse when first starting ADs. I know that thinking can get very distorted with depression and anxiety, but you must try to believe that you have a depressive illness and it needs treating and improvement is not going to come overnight, nor in a straight line. There are many lumps and bumps on the road to recovery, it's the nature of the beast.

Most people with depression have a better part of the day (for some mornings are best, others afternoon and others evening) My worst time is mornings, and best time is evenings. Sounds like evenings might be better for you.

I think you need to remember that you are having classic symptoms of depression and anxiety and this is why you are feeling so crap not because of meds. I know how your mind can play tricks on you - but try to take a step in faith and take the citalopram. Have you got another GP appt?