Have I got PND? Feeling desperate and unsure of everything

[DangerMousey]

I have a 4 week old DS (DC1) and I am really struggling. I feel utterly exhausted all of the time and get teary every evening when I think about the nighttime ahead.

I am taking good care of DS and he is in no danger from me of neglect/being hurt but I feel like I wish we had never had him :-( I mean, if I could wave a magic wand right now and never have been pregnant and just have my like back to what it was before, then I would :-(

I feel awful saying this - am I a dreadful mum? Have I got PND or is it relatively normal to feel like this 4 weeks into looking after a newborn? I just had no idea that the sleep deprivation would be so awful.

DS is FF and will sleep from 10pm - 0130/0200 ish before waking up for a bottle, which I realise isn't that bad, but then he is really difficult to settle after this bottle, often staying awake, grunting/grizzling until his breakfast bottle at 6am ish. I am up all night popping his dummy back in, rubbing his tummy, cuddling/swaddling him / nothing seems to work after this night feed.

Perversely he sleeps really well during the day but I don't seem to be able to nap when he's asleep. My brain feels really wired and manic and unable to switch off.

I have never been depressed before but I am having a massive crying fit at least once a day and feel terrified about DH going to work tomorrow.

Is it possible to function on just 3 hours sleep per day? How long can this last for? Do I need to seek professional help or is this just part and parcel of being a new mum? I am just not enjoying this experience at all at the moment :-(

His sleep patterns are normal and they will change in time, he is teeny tiny and still learning that he is separate from you and working out night and day. It will get better :)

You though need to go and talk to someone. Who would you feel most comfortable talking to? Do you like your Health Visitor? If you were to ring them and say you want to talk about PND then they will be more than happy to help. Or if there is a GP you like at your surgery then go and chat to them :). Your feelings and the way you are reacting to things, the crying, the insomnia, the worry, regret sound very much like you are suffering form PND so please, please talk to someone because life with your baby can be so much better than this.

I had PND after dd who was my second baby. I didn't seek help for a whole year. I bitterly, bitterly regret not asking for help sooner because that first year is just one big blur.

fwiw, you may not have PND, but worth getting it checked out as Indith suggests.
I couldnt exist and function on 3 hours sleep a night.
Do you have family or even friends support?

And you are definitely not a dreadful mum

Hi there, I had exactly the same feelings and experiences after the birth of my baby who is now 15 months old. I saw my GP and he diagnosed PND. I took sertaline for 6 months. Am completely better and very happy now and most importantly I adore my baby and love every minute I spend with him. Please don't worry. It feels so awful at the time but you will be back to normal very soon once you get some help. Take care if yourself in the meantime x

I could have written lots of things you say in your post. I had pnd and post traumatic stress.

Do not worry that people will think you are neglecting your baby. It is very scary to let professionals know that you are having these feelings. However, they can tell that a baby is being looked after, which takes a huge amount of effort when you are terrified about your dh going to work. A dreadful mum would not seek help, would not care.

If you are bottle feeding, get someone to help with the overnights, even just once. Your dh must get days off? Or a family member? Get earplugs and sleep somewhere else. You need to recharge your batteries, for everyone's sake. It is not selfish to ask someone to do this, it is the right thing so you can be the best mum you can. Motherhood is a marathon!

Keep smiling at your baby, making eye contact even if you find it difficult.

Lots of people have feelings like wanting to turn the clock back, it is just hard to admit to.