I just want some support/advice/comfort...

[adviceplz]

Okay, I have A Level exams next week. I started college (later than most) in Sept 2011 and had to drop out before the exams as I became very depressed/anxious and coldn't cope with taking them. Started taking medication/having therapy and began feeling better, and with discussions with the college, decided to take my exams in January instead. I really really hoped I could cope and told myself that I could, but again the depression/anxiety has come back stronger than ever. I have barely revised and instead have basically sat at the computer all day doing nothing (or sleeping in bed). I have no desire to revise and I feel I just don't care anymore. I am basically sabotaging myself. These exams are important and it's not like I am not intellectually capable of taking them, I am just in the right attitude and I hate myself for it. I just need some advice/hand holding

Hi OP, sorry you are going through this.

I suffered from depression a few years ago, and although not an expert I have a bit of experience with this.

Have you spoken to your GP yet? They need to be your first port of call. A GP can refer you for counselling (it helped me tremendously), and/or prescribe medication if needed (not necessarily antidepressants).

Talking about it will help, too. Keep your tutors in the loop, and keep visiting MN.

I am sure someone better qualified than me will come along and give you better advice. In the meantime feel free to pm me if you want to chat.

Good luck OP!

advp - was that the first time you had depression/anxiety when you were studying for A Levels and do you think that the stress of the exams was the cause, or had you suffered this illness previously. You say the meds and therapy helped you to feel better and so you thought you could manage the exams in Jan. Can I ask if you stopped taking the meds, if so, you could have stopped too soon, or did you stop too quickly - any withdrawal from meds needs to be very gradual.

Whichever way it was, you are now as you say suffering from dep/anx "worse than ever. This illness is pure torment and can only be understood by those of us who have frist hand experience of it. OK you must stop sitting at the computer and trying to do something that for the moment is not possisble - to think of taking A levels this months when you have a depressive illness is like arranging a hill climb when you have a broken leg.

Look you must believe that you have a mental illness and so you are not sabotaging yourself. It is the illness that makes us totally unmotivated to do anything when it is severe, and we have an emotional paralysis and just want to stay under the duvet and hide away from life and all its stresses and strains. Firstly you need to go back to the GP and get help for this current bout of depression/anxiety. You need to tell the college you are ill again and cannot take the exams. You have the rest of your life to take A levels - it isn't as if it's "now or never" but one thing for sure is you can't do them now.

Do you mind my asking how old you are and whether you have any RL suport, family/friends as you need someone in whom you can confide about the way you are feeling. SO move away from the computer and 1)Phone for a GP appt and 2) tell college you are not taking the A levels this month - they are probably still on christmas holidays but you can contact them next week.

Sorry to sound bossy but sometimes we need someone to be directive for us.
Will you come back and let us know how you are.