Think it's time to go back to the GP.

[MrsJingleBells74]

I'm struggling. Have had depression all my adult life which is usually controlled by medication. After the birth of DS2 I increased the dosage of my meds & all seemed to be ok. But over the last couple of weeks things have got difficult. I'm just so exhausted all the time, have no patience & just take the 'easy way out' & let DS1 do what he wants to avoid tantrums.

Every morning when I get up I just want to cry I'm that tired. At the moment my mum is here & DH is off work & to be honest I'm dreading being on my own again.

Don't really know why I'm posting, I just feel so let down by my body. I had terrible PND after DS1 was born & thought I'd escaped it this time, apparently not.

I hope you are capitalising on having your DH and mum around and you're getting as much sleep as you can? I wouldn't for a minute suggest this is a cure-all but to be depriving yourself of sleep will not be helping in the slightest.

I've been trying to catch up on sleep but feel guilty doing that too. DS2 is only 3 months & bottle fed so DH does his share of night duties so is knackered too.

I understand, but guilty isn't going to help you right now. You and DH need to be sleeping in shifts - particularly with your mum there and able to help out during the day. Having a newborn is like being in the blitz. Hunker down and get through it any way you can!

Sorry you are feeling so low. Hope you regain energy and vitality soon.
Also remember to use the power of nourishing food and exercising which can enhance the effect of antidepressants, though it sounds too much of a struggle it may relieve your symptoms. e.g. taking the kids for a brisk walk to the park/ other place Try lots of fresh, protein rich meals, e.g. boiled egg, scrambled egg, omelette, tinned salmon, tuna, baked beans, chicken/meat and veg dishes, vegies, salads, soups and avoid sugar/ packaged foods.

Also you sound like you are having to conserve your very minimal energy by avoiding confrontation with your DS1 and allowing your mum to help- keep being kind to yourself and ask for help/avoid battles at this time. Is there a chance you could ask your mum to babysit regularly so you have abreak to look forward too? You could also go to your GP for help while your mum is there? Best wishes

Thanks for your messages. My mum lives in France so regular babysitting isn't an option & my in laws just make me feel awkward & useless if I ask them for help. I've told my DH I want to go back to the GP but am really struggling to tell my mum, stupidly I feel embarrassed/ashamed of it despite everything I know about depression. I have 2 of the most gorgeous, amazing boys in the world but I'm not enjoying them, and the guilt of feeling this is crippling me.

I know I'll get through this though, but it's a hard journey.

Hey this is an illness not a weakness

• yet I do understand where you are coming from, as the guilt factor is a symptom of the faulty thinking we seem to go through when we are very depressed.

Check out "The mindful Way Through Depression" (Helped me heaps)
by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal & Jon Kabat-Zinn

I still struggle also-
For me a really long brisk walk helps heaps + long baths/pampering daily, + coffee out with friends + work + study + comedies on TV /nite out watching a comedian!!
Keep loving your darling boys and cry when you have to- its OK to feel like shit sometimes,All mums feel crap at times Some struggle more with depression more than others and that is OK
Be gentle with yourself
being in nature helps -maybe a playground/garden with the kids.

(from book above)
Negative thoughts are symptoms of depression
Many people with depression have negative thoughts
These negative thoughts come and go when that person's depression goes
These thoughts are not the truth and not a reflection of your self worth.
e.g. If you think "I wish I could just disappear, I'm a loser, I'm worthless, I cant get things together, I cant stand this anymore" these are some of the top 30 negative thoughts that come and go for people suffering depression

Do not analyse these thoughts
Remember THOUGHT ARE JUST THOUGHTS

I found meditation really helpful to learn kinder ways of thinking
Other people like other stuff
It is challenging but quicker than you think when you start to let go of believing the negative thoughts and begin focusing on each moment as it happens

Sending smiles and (((hugs))) : )

What Sweetiesmum said!

Another vote here for: walking in the park (or if that's too much, sometimes I used to go stand at the bottom of the garden with a cup of tea!)
Meditation - if I am up to it, if not, I'd use the time to have a nap while dh looks after our dd. I found that watching a dvd in the evening gave me something to look forward to, but only light stuff like pirates of the carribeean, no tear jerkers!

We have no family support either and it's very hard. I think you're doing fabulously btw

Sorry for the late update. I spoke to my GP today & he's referred me for counselling & changed my medication dosage so hopefully things will start to look up shortly.

Great news
Happy New Year by the way Glittery and Mrs J