I have namechanged for this sad tale.
For the first time in my life, I am not coping. I have gone from a confident, settled, friendly person to a depressed, moody, sad, lonely person in the space of a few months.
Physically, I get headaches daily, my heart races and skips beats or jolts to the point I can feel it down my arms; I cry at anything, I feel panicky and nauseous. I catch myself sighing constantly and it's almost like I need more air than I can get in. I can't sleep, my thoughts are constant, invasive and repetitive. I want to jump on a plane and never come back. I tremble.
Six months ago I changed my job and I am really unhappy, in fact, not coping at all. I enjoy the work and am capable, but cannot cope with the dynamics of who I work with. I only get negative feedback and a lot of critisism, the situation is so complex, hard to explain properly on here. It's not what I was led to believe it was going to be. I cry on the way to work, and fantasise about driving into a tree or something so I don't have to go in. Most days something happens and I feel like picking up my bag and walking out.
I have analysed the situation and feel a bit detached, I am very logical and feel like I am the way I am, my colleagues/boss is the way they are and the dynamics between us will not work. Yes, I could talk to them, but pointing out the problems will create a very uncomfortable situation for all of us for the future.
This week, I told my boss that I was anxious and depressed and was unsure what to do. I offered to work for home for a few weeks, I would be quite capable of doing this, would definitely be able to complete my projects at home. We said we would think about if this was viable over the holiday period and review on the 2nd, but I am not sure if they will let this happen.
Doctor said they would sign me off, but the company is brand new and tiny and I couldn't take money off them if I wasn't there, or survive on SSP, so I said no.
I have a family that I support financially and would really struggle to find alternative work with the salary I need to survive, I feel trapped and desperate. I can't focus on today, just the stomach churning dread of going back to the office on the 2nd Jan.