I think I am depressed.

[boysarelikehogs]

I cry frequently. I find mornings so hard. Get no sleep, been up at 12.30 when I went and slept in ds1's bed then up at 3 am with toddler who I am still up with. This will be it for me now, no more sleep til the next few hours tonight.

Dh long term ill and can't help. Not sure I still want my marriage. I love my children but my needs feature no where on any list.

Hi Im not sure if i have any great advice but didn't want to read and run

I think you are incredibly stressed. You are dealing with a lot and then getting no sleep.

Can anyone look after the kids for a little bit while you get some sleep? Or can you book 1 hour when the kids have gone to bed to get out the house on your own-if only for a walk. Just to give yourself a bit of space?

Do visit the Dr, even if you get something to help you cope with the short term, it might give you time to formulate how to cope with the long term.

Take care. You are doing brilliantly.

Oh bless you, I posted on your thread the other day.

Things are bound to get on top of you and with little ones it will be ultra difficult. It does get easier as they get older, and then you cannot get them out of bed for love nor money!

Re the crying, you are probably exhausted. I would make an appt for you at the dr's.

DH is very very poorly at the moment (although he will get better) but I too am bloody exhausted so I know how you feel. He had a routine op last Thursday, came home Friday and then had to go into hospital Sumday as he had just been so poorly over the weekend. He hasn't got any better in hospital, he rang me yesterday afternoon so upset as they were taking him to theatre to open him up (it was keyhole last week and now the are opening his stomach up). The surgeon called me last night to say that they are having to leave the wound open till Saturday and then take him back to theatre. He will not be home for Xmas . The HDU unit said they would call when he got on the ward from recovery (surgeon rang at 10.20pm, he had just literally finished) as they said I could pop in and see him for 15 mins - I waited till 1.00am and then went to bed and slept on and off - still no call.

I am hosting Christmas for 9. DS2 (13) has been so poorly this week and off school with a raging temp, headache and barking cough. He does a paper round which DS1 and I are doing between us. Yesterday it pissed it down with rain and I was wet through to my underwear even with a thick coat on, I could have just sat down on the pavement and wept.

I held it together until yesterday and all I did was weep.

I am so sorry you are going through this, from what I have read from your posts I think you feel "bitter" about DH being poorly as you still have to carry on but he "has an excuse" not to. Am I right? Because that is certainly how I feel sometimes. I have been with DH 30 years, married 25 and throughout that time he has been poorly with ulcerative colitis (actually for the last 10 years he has been fit and well as he had his colon removed), but every time he went to hospital or had a severe bout, despite if I was unwell I had to just get on with it and tbh I resented it sometimes. I had to juggle the kids, work, ring the dr's for him, do hospital visits and I wonder how he would cope if it was the other way round?

God I have done a huge post and 3/4 about me...

Giving you a huge squeeze xxx