Feel way beyond " help "

[Littleblue]

I am not a risk to myself , I have four beautiful children and I know I love them.... I don't feel it but I know its there. I go through the barest motions every day and I would genuinely rather not be here , I see no point to my existence apart from to prove to my children what choices you should never make...I get up every day and do the barest of minimums to get them where they need to be , then I sleep..... do a bit more , feed them , make some positive noises , put them to bed..... I live in purgatory...I can't even summon up the energy or emotion to hate myself , I look at pics/videos of the kids 2 - 3 years ago and feel nothing.....I am so detached from reality I don't know how the fuck to come back. Or if i want to.

Think you need to make an appointment to see your GP hun. Talk things over with them and take it from there.

You sound like a great mum though big hugs to you. X

Seeing a CBT therapist after xmas... I feel like im on the outside looking in....pain/insomnia issues are severe...thanks Frilly x

You have depersonalisation/derealisation. Classic mh problem, and really unpleasant and scary. It is the mind's way of coping, to detach itself. I used to describe it as feeling like a ghost just drifting above everything.

Are you on meds

My description is that its like looking through a pane of smoked glass at life... no , I asked about meds but I have tried a few over the years and the side effects were just too unpleasant... Ive never been as ill tho , I recognise that , so will try again I think...