I have name changed for this and it's more a way for me to get my feelings out than asking for advice but if anybody has some it is appreciated!
A few years ago I was suffering with OCD, severe depression and anxiety due to the death of a very close family member. The death also forced me to acknowledge and work through emotional abuse that I received of this person as a child. I also made life style choices that did not help the situation and self harmed on a very regular basis. With the help of a fantastic doctor, mental health team, friends and (now) DH I got through this.
Fast forward a few years I now have DC1, DH a stable job and I'm happy but since DC1, 6 months old, and a little bit in pregnancy I have started getting occasional anxiety and obsessive thoughts although this is rare and I put it down to hormones. A few weeks ago a very close family member passed away and in my usual fashion I have pretended it hadn't happened, pushed it out of my mind etc but I know I have to face it and I'm scared. Today I started with irrational anxiety again (having a car crash with DC in the car, SS taking DC away, me/DH being arrested so completely irrational and with no basis in reality) and I guess I am scared that my old issues will return. I wouldn't mind if my anxieties were genuine worries that could happen but there not (I hope!!) I have been worrying about my DC's health, about going to the doctors/HV's too much in case they think bad of me
My job also requires a health check so I worry so much about things going on my record I just don't know what to do