Relentless

[LJAM]

I am so blessed in many ways. Two beautiful sons, good job, nice home, husband who is still here. But I feel like I'm only just holding on. Living day by day, just putting one foot in front of the other.

Been under a lot of pressure at work. DS2 has one virus after the next so not much sleep and lots of worrying. DH doesn't like me v much, hasn't for years but feels duty-bound to stick it out.

Life feels relentless. Saw GP a few weeks ago and he prescribed sleeping pills and anti depressants. What mother of a 2 yr old can take sleeping pills?! Anti depressants seem like slippery slope. DH dead against them, thinks its self indulgent. GP signed me off work for 2 weeks but I'd lose my job if I did that. Can't show weakness in my line of work. Just feels like there's no real way out, just have to keep going.

Anyone else feel like this? Have never felt so lonely or inadequate.

I take strong sedative and anti puffs which have a even stronger sedative effect I have a 6/7 yo 3yo and a 1yo I don't always wake sometimes dp has to wake me but that's much better than having a ill mummy. Also taking anti ds doesn't make you weak you wouldn't refuse pain medication if you suffer migraine because you don't want to be weak or dependant same with anti dependants and legally work can't sack you for taking sick leave.

sorry anti puffs should be anti pyschs.

Yes. Totally. Ended up having a complete breakdown with a long time off work. I'd hate for you to get to that place, so please take care of yourself now.

WRT the sleeping pills, take them as soon as your 2yo is in bed and have a good night's sleep. Also, I know its a big hurdle to get over, but at least try the anti-depressants. You may feel worse for a bit and they won't do much for the first couple of weeks, but after that they will help to lift your mood.

Your DH sounds unsupportive. 'Indulgent' is bollocks and it speaks volumes. If it was a physical illness would he say taking meds for that was indulgent? I doubt it. I also suspect that he's a large part of the misery in your life as it must eat into your self-esteem and self worth to have someone just 'be there'. I suspect that a life without him would be better for your mental health than being in such a relationship.

I'm sorry you can't take time off work as that really does sound like what you actually need. Could you leave the boys with your DH and go and have a weekend, just you, in a hotel where you could relax and help unwind?

DH would totally freak out if I went away for a few hours, let alone a night. He's v puritanical, thinks life is a question of endurance and has little respect for anyone that can't cope. He loves his kids and has many strengths but he sees me as being weak and flaky, clearly quite a disappointment. Finds it emasculating that I earn more than him and never will forgive me for it but also won't entertain idea of me giving up work and us having less to live off. He's v controlling. My mum has offered to come and help so I can have rest but he says my mother is insane and can't be trusted with kids. She's not the easiest person but she's not insane either.

Would definitely be easier to justify meds if it was physical. I know this sounds mad but I sometimes dream of being ill enough to go to hospital legitimately and be able to sleep.

Thank you both for replying. So nice to have company that's supportive.

LJAM you sound like you have a lot on your plate, no wonder you are feeling down. Your husband does not sound very supportive, do you have friends you can talk to for support.

The sleeping tablets I have taken help you to get off to sleep but don't last all night (if that makes sense) so they get you off into a deep sleep, but after a few hours it is a normal sleep so you can still wake up and get up etc.

Anti-depressants are not indulgent, if you need them, you need them.

Take care of yourself.

what AD has the Dr given you. You may find that they help you sleep with out the sleeping tablets. Also you don't need to take the ST every night if you don't want to just when you feel you need a better nights sleep. Also remember that this time of year can be the most difficult for many people