Going back to work tomorrow after long sick leave - wish me luck!

[Barkyboots]

Hi all. I'm going back to work tomorrow after 5 months off sick with work related stress, anxiety and depression. So anxious about it, have had nightmares the last three nights running. I still can't quite imagine myself parking up and walking into the building... It was my choice, GP would have signed me off for longer but I just feel I have to try and overcome this. It has all stemmed from one very difficult individual who from March to July, became impossible to work with. (We had received a major complaint about her and I had to take her through a capability procedure, and she reacted very badly in a kind of 'shoot the messenger' response). I only realised once I was out of the situation and off sick that I have been bullied by her. I feel my organisation's response has been very poor overall, and doesnt really reflect what they say in terms of their HR policies at all. This makes me angry but i dont really feel i have the 'fight' in me to confront that right now. The organisation has told me that they can only do something about this individual if I bring a bullying claim against her, which I think is the last thing I need for my health and wellbeing, so I will have to go back and work with her again. I feel sick just thinking about it. Still dont really know how to handle people asking how i am when i go back either, worry about what people will be thinking and so on. How honest should I be? Just wanted to tell someone really...

As someone who returned to work after 7 months off sick due to MH problems, I can understand where you are coming from. All I can say is that the thought of going back is always worse than the actual event.

You'll find that when you get in, everything is still running as it was and its not so bad.

If you think you're not ready to go back though, have a think about whether to take your Dr up on his offer of more time off.

Good luck and Stay Positive. Well done for making it this far.

Do your work colleagues know what has really been going on?

Just take it day by day and don't think too far in advance. Don't worry about what other people say either. If they asked me, I would just say, I'm fine, thanks for asking and then just get on with my work. { }

Do you have a colleague at work who you could arrange to meet in the car park to walk in with? It's that first day back walk into the building that makes me nervous when I return to work after long periods off.

Thanks all for your responses.
keema I was wondering how open you were with your colleagues when you went back, or was it left 'unsaid' and did that bother you?
million yes my employers know what the problem has been, my sick notes have stated various things like 'workplace stress, anxiety and depression'. Two or three colleagues that I trust know what's really been going on for me, no one else I don't think, although I'm sure they must speculate... I doubt that the individual who was the cause of all this has any idea, she is completely lacking in self awareness it seems to me, has upset numerous people in the organisation, had this big complaint made against her by more than 30 clients, etc etc
Thanks chottie I hope I'll feel able to respond the same way. A part of me wishes we could be more honest about MH issues though but I guess I don't want to be the one to 'come out' first as it were. So worried about this will have done in terms of how people regard me, but nothing I can do about that I guess...
Thanks jimbos yes it's a thought... Although I feel a bit of a wimp asking someone to walk in with me. Maybe I'll try and get in a bit early and get a coffee first...

Can you ask the 2 or 3 colleagues who do know, to watch your back tomorrow especially?

Hi Barkyboots - my boss knew about everything including my diagnosis and my inpatient stay. Before I went back into work I had a meeting with him and HR where we arranged a phased return. Are you having a phased return? I don't think I could have gone back without one.

I've told 3 colleagues who I've worked with for years about why I was off and they were lovely. No one else knows though as they don't need to. I'm not ashamed to have been ill or ashamed to have MH issues, but like anything else in my personal life, I choose only to share it with friends.

Most people were just really lovely and said they were pleased that I was back.

Thank you million that's a good idea, I really appreciate it. I think maybe I'll go to their office before I go to mine in the morning. It had been said to me that if I disclose to anyone in the organisation I might as well tell everyone, as people talk... But I think I can trust those 3 colleagues to maintain my confidentiality. I like the idea of asking them to watch my back - perhaps to avert any gossip or speculation or whatever. Maybe I'm over thinking it, but I guess my anxiety just feeds all this.
Hi keema yes my GP has recommended a phased return, recommended half days for a month (he offered two months actually - perhaps I should have agreed to that! As ever I think I was wanting to look like 'I'm fine now')
God it's so nice to just be able to talk some of these anxieties through with people who understand and have been there. keema you sound very clear and 'sorted' about this, in a way that I don't feel at the moment...
Thank you guys...

As both someone who was a victim of workplace bullying and as a manager of someone returning to work after a third period off sick for depression and work related stress, I wish you all the best. And I take my hat off to you for having the courage to go back even when your GP could have signed you off for longer. When the person I managed came back, I hadn't met her as I was new to the job; she was very frank and open which made it much easier for me and her colleagues to support her in the way she needed to be.
Don't feel under pressure to go through with the bullying claim, you need to look after yourself first, let the company you work for worry about it.
Good luck

I've been back in work since Sept. Believe me, I was nowhere near as sorted as I sound now.

If you find it too hard, then go back to the GP and get a phased return sorted. Its much better that you go in at a slower pace, than go back in full-tilt and end up going off sick again.

You are doing really well to have got to this point. Let us know how it goes won't you?

Thank you brightspark and keema. Eeuurrgghh, as tomorrow draws nearer I'm feeling pretty edgy! The main fear is seeing and having to interact with The Bullying Witch. Any tips for how to cope with that?!
One good thing is that it's almost Christmas so my thinking was that going back for effectively, a few half days and then having ten days or so off, might be a good way to ease myself back in...
Holding my nose and jumping....!
Will let you know how it goes, and thanks all.