I sent my child to school this morning in his school uniform - unfortunately today was dress-down day and I had forgotten about it. As soon as I realised it, I confirmed I could get a bag of regular home clothes to him, and rushed back home to get it.
I had a mild anxiety attack - I was breathing quite hard and fast (I have asthma but mild it is under control without meds/inhalers); I was very agitated and rushing about trying to pack the clothes. I have been going through a phase of feeling very guilty and depressed about being a bad mother to my child. (I am anxious and over-react in situations, otherwise my child is very well-cared for, loved, appreciated and happy)
My husband was in - and - I suspect - got quite pissed off with me for behaving like a crazy person. He is not a violent person and is usually very kind. Unless I "misbehave" by throwing a panic attack.
He said "Calm down or I will have to slap you". He grabbed me, and I hit out and stamped on his foot with my boot to get him off. My fury at his reaction to my attack did stop my shallow breathing. When I asked him how he could think of hitting someone so scared and upset, he says "It worked didn't it" I fully expect him to try to physically restrain me if I get agitated again, because he believes that it works.
I think he loves me. I have nothing but apathy/anger for him most of the time.
Tell me, was what he did right? It worked, but it was not kind was it? I feel terrible.