Do you ever get 'totally' back to normal?

[Bomper]

I had PND (with anxiety/panic attacks)after I had dd1. Although I am HUGELY better now, I still on occassion get panic attacks and just yesterday, dh returned to work after a weeks holiday, and as soon as he left this wave of panic passed over me, and I thought 'Oh God, I am on my own all day with 3 children - I'm not going to cope!!' Of course, I did, and I didn't spend all day feeling like this. But it worries me that I still get these feelings. Is it normal to still feel like this from time to time, or do you think I must have some unresolved problems that need sorting out?

I think it's normal to get wobbly days/wobbly few days from time to time. Just as people can have crap/moody days who don't have any history of depression.

Just take each day as it comes

TBH, there is something else that is pretty bad going on with me too. I really need to get a part time job, as money is very tight at the mo. I have actually been offered 5 in the past year or so, but as the starting date gets nearer, I totally flip, have panic attacks the whole caboodle. Dh is very understanding, but says I should get help again. I am terrified, as the last time I was put on an SSSI (can't for the life of me remember what it was called now) and I had an AWFUL time coming off of it, it was like going cold turkey from heroin or something!! There was a programme about it (or it's American equivalent) a while back. Anyhow, I don't want to be railroaded into taking drugs again.

Was it Seroxat/Paxil you were on last time by any chance? The other SSRIs usually aren't anywhere near as hard to withdraw from - it's because Seroxat has a short half life. If you go to the GPs, you could ask to be referred for counselling to help deal with the panic attacks instead of/as well as medication(of course there might be a waiting list for the counselling though). It does sound worth you getting further treatment/counselling, as the panic attacks are interfering with your life, if they are preventing you returning to work.

you might also find some useful self-help information on:-

www.panic-attacks.co.uk

Bomper, I think it's normal but that's only based on my own experience. I had depression in my late teens/early 20s for which I was treated. Since then I've been 'normal' the majority of the time but I did have a short spell of depression around the birth of ds3 (no treatment) and I am very prone to anxiety and panic attacks.

As I say, 99% of the time I am totally fine but I'm easily stressed and do suffer from panic attacks from time to time.

However, it sounds as though how you feel is becoming restrictive and if you prefer to avoid drug treatment again, I wonder if counselling would help? Is it something you'd consider? Maybe it would help to talk through things with someone independents - you may be able to work out what is really making you feel this way and then you can address it.

Fio, I was px beta blockers too but I was too scared to take them!

I did have counselling whilst I had PND, which I found helped, but was very hard to deal with. It seemed to dwell a lot on my past rather than sorting out the future IYSWIM?! I was wondering whether CBT might help, has anyone had any experience of this?!

btw I took Beta blockers in conjunction with SSRI, found them brill, calmed me down immediately.

bomper,
I suffered from depression for around 10 years, and by the end of my illness, feeling depressed was a habit that was hard to shake off. I am completely better now, though.

I think that at the height of the illness, you cant do anything on your own, and definitely need help, but when you are hugely better (eg when you re-discover what it feels like to be normal again), then it is possible to help yourself with willpower towards getting rid of the habit of being depressed.

This is just my opinion from my own experience - it is in no way a "pull yourself together" rant! It does take time to get over this very serious illness.