Don't know what to do anymore...

[HateMe]

This is my first time posting here so really sorry if I am posting Inappropriately.
I have a history of anxiety/depression/self harm (not all at once...just a combination over about 10 years) and am feeling extremely low today. I think this is because of 2 things...I have a 5 week old little girl who I love to pieces but I don't think I can cope. I have to introduce her to my 'father' on Wednesday and that makes me feel so sickl...I detest seeing him and hate that he should meet my beautiful and perfect little girl but i don't really have a choice. When I have had to see him myself before preg I used to cope by getting hammered first but am bf so can't 'numb myself' first. I feel sick about having to see him but I am too weak to say no...I just have to pretect my perfect innocent little girl (obv there is no way he will even hold her,let alone be on his own with her). Sorry again just needed to vent a little xxx

I don't know your history or why you think your not coping with your little girl, but the fact that your breastfeeding, aware that your struggling a bit, looking for help and trying to protect your little one shows that your not doing that bad at all! It doesn't sound like you trust your father near your little one and as her mummy you are well placed to decide what's best for her. You don't have to do anything you don't want to! It's difficult with your hormones all over the place after having baby, but you sound like you have got through much tougher situations and with a little help and support you will be just fine.

Micha thank you so much for your post and for replying so quickly...you have helped me put things into more perspective. I think I am just exhausted and the thought of seeing 'him' personally makes me feel so sick. I will see him on weds as a dutiful daughter....I wish I had the strength to tell hIm I never want to see him again. I just feel so so sick and anxious and like my skin is crawling when I are him

Wish someone would just give me a huge, unconditional cuddle. Xxxxxx

Hey big cuddle xx you don't have to see him if you don't want to. Sounds like you are doing amazingly well. Trust yourself, and keep putting your gorgeous little daughter and love for her first xx

Sorry hateme, fell asleep without even knowing it!! I hope you wake feeling more positive. I'm sure you are exhausted, my baby is breastfed and is ten weeks, so I completely understand. You need to take strength from how far you've come and how well you are doing. The little victories! I wish I could give you the hug your looking for. Is there anyone that could go with you on Wednesday to give you support?