Is this depression?

[Chood]

I have been having a lot of mood swings lately, and I'm wondering whether I need to do something about it.

I have a son with autism and a difficult step-daughter who lives with us. My relationship with my husband is pretty bad at the moment. I often feel worthless and unappreciated, and over the last few weeks I have come very close to leaving him. We have been trying to have another baby for a couple of years, without success. I also have an autoimmune disease which is under control at the moment, but leaves me feeling quite tired and I struggle with the three days a week that I work.

I have had periods of feeling really down and tired. Last week I was so low that I decided I was going to pack a bag and leave all three of them. I had a sleepless night crying. The next morning I decided that I would need to tell him to his face, and there wasn't time before work/school, so I went to work as normal. By the time I got home I felt fine again and didn't feel at all like I wanted to leave!

I feel fine one minute, then the next I need to lock myself in the bathroom and have a quick cry. I know that I have a fair amount to deal with, but I feel one way, and then feel totally different a few hours later.

Does this sound like depression? I know that I need to make changes to my life, and I'm wondering whether I'm telling myself it might be depression to avoid addressing some difficult issues. If I went to the doctor and he suggested anti-depressants it could make my autoimmune disease worse and I don't want to risk that unless I have to. I adore my son - surely feeling like I could just walk away from him is not normal?

Basically, what I'm asking is, am I depressed or just struggling with difficult circumstances?

I think it's probably both. There is no doubt that you are struggling with extremely difficult circumstances and dare I say I think a new baby is the last thing you need, especially as you and your H are not getting on very well. Coping with your son (who you love, but must still be hard work) and a diffuclt step daughter (and that alone can cause you stress - I speak from experience!) and then the relationship with your H not being good and you work 3 days per week. Phew..........that's a lot on your plate.

However I do think you are experiencing depressive symptoms and again I speak from experience, hence being on this thread. It is quite usual for people with depression to just want to "get away from it all - go away somewhere - anywhere" When I first had depression I used to think that I could just run and run and just expire. Wanting to go and have a quick cry sounds very much like depression to me. Depression does go up and down and your mood can change from day to day and even through the day as you have experienced.

Why would your GP suggest ADs if it was going to make your autoimmune desease worse - or is that the price you might have to pay. I don't know what autoimmune illnesses are but I certainly know the torment of depression and anxiety. I think there is a strong chance that your symptoms will increase over time, and I think if you can "nip it in the bud" with ADs that's the route to take............