Has anyone else decided that therapy is NOT how they will heal?

[meugler]

I've recently come to the decision that therapy is NOT the way forward for my healing. I have complex PTSD, anxiety, have had depressions as a result mainly of abuse in childhood. Over the past decade I have kept trying therapy - sometimes stayed with it for around 2 years - but, each time, it ends up doing more harm than good, or certainly feeling that way. I've seen therapists in recognized sexual abuse organisations and with specialism in PTSD as well as run-of-the-mill therapists.

I realize that therapy does help a lot of people and so many people speak highly of it in places like this. However, I really feel it is not for me. It is a little bit hard for me to put exactly why into words, but, partly, it's to do with the imbalance between me and the therapist which feels like another power relationship - and I feel I need to go extremely slowly with talking about what happened to me, ultimately too slowly/ sensitively than any therapist I have yet met. Finally I think the people who abused me were so evil, often the therapist just cannot comprehend this level of evil and I start feeling like the bad person just for sharing it...

I feel relieved, if I am honest, that I am no longer going to continue this search for a therapist that has taken up so much of the last ten years (and so much money too!) I saw a book on Amazon called 'Against Therapy' by Masson, which I want to read.

I just wondered if there's anyone else on here who has come to the same decision but yet continued to heal/ get stronger/ better/ more self-accepting. I am determined still to heal and sure I will find a way as I have great faith in life despite all I have been through. Use to attempt suicide and self-harm a lot, don't do that any more, my main problems are still flashbacks and huge anxiety.

I hope I don't get too many comments here telling me it's my past/ lack of trust/ fear making me quit therapy and I should persevere, as it really is not just that. As I say above, it is more about the power imbalance/ inequality of the relationship and not being able to go totally at my own pace (which would probably take 20-30 years, realistically).

[WithanAnotE]

Sorry. Should have read, "got on my tits"!