Where to start?

[Mrspepperminttea]

Hello everyone
This is my very first post, but I have read these boards for ages now and it amazes me how supportive you all are.

I have had a massively difficult two years with lots of money worries, worries regarding my children and to top it off, last month I had to close my hairdressing business.
At one point I had several part time jobs just to keep the wolf from the door.

I have been struggling on, through thick and thin, keeping on a brave face to the world whilst inside I am in pieces. I feel like I'm swimming through treacle just to get through the day. People around me probably would never know.
I have a wonderful partner who is always supportive but he works away in Ireland a lot so a big part of the time it's just me.

I look at others and wonder why things are so easy for them (although common sense tells me that it's not, everyone has their problems)

I have no problem sleeping, in fact I'm sooo tired all of the time and when I wake up, I don't feel refreshed at all.

I am worried if I talk about everything to a doctor I will just go on, and on, and on as it's all waiting to explode.

Anyway. Last few days I have felt even more weighed down if that's possible. Seems I lose my thread halfway through a sentence or forget what I'm doing. I feel on the brink of collapse.
Has anyone else felt like this? What did you do? I have never been on any medication for anything like this so am a bit worried the doctor will think I'm a fraud - as I say, I seem fine on the outside, almost like I'm acting a part.
Advice wise people.

You sound depressed. I always felt tired, drained and lightheaded. When i was at work all i wanted to do was go home and be alone so i didnt have to face the world.
Your gp will understand, may even offer therapy or medication. But is there anything in your spare time you enjoy? I now frequently go for walks to clear my head.
X

Thanks charleebird.
I have started a new job, so although that is positive, I still feel I am in the stage where you have to make a good impression.
The sheer effort of keeping up the cheerful face is exhausting.
Even though much of the horrible stuff is over, it's like I'm still on high alert if you see what I mean, almost expecting a problem.
I think it's adrenalin I can feel.
Walking is a good idea though. To be honest I will try anything.
X

I would second going to the GP.
Hopefully he/she should understand.
They will have seen it many times before.

You could write a few things down on a note before you go in, in case you dry up.
Your post on here has details of what they need I should think.

I went to my gp a year after my DP passed away, I was very low and getting lower, I had to do a test whereby he asked me questions, Yes he gave me medication but I didn't feel it helped, it made me unemotional, neither happy or sad, try a different route first. although don't listen to me for the most part it does help you snap out of it and realise you have to face it in the end.

Hello! I have found this an amazing supportive friendly place too! So sorry to hear all that you have gone through - must have been gutting to close your business. Bastard recession.

It sounds like you have an inhuman amount on your plate - is there anyone who can help with the dc issues? How old are they? Do you have any close friends or family that might understand? Don't worry about busting the dam - I'm sure your doctor will understand. I don't think you're a fraud at all - it's the so-called strong ones who soldier on with a smile plastered on that often need help and you've made the first step.

You might need meds or you might chose not, perhaps therapy or physical exercise will be best, my advice would be to see the doc so at least you can hear the options and then read as much as possible about depression/coping mechanisms/support options etc.

I wish you all the very best, you sound like brave lady and I hope you let us know how you get on.