Having a bit of a wobble.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

I've been having a bit of a wobble for the last week or so. Not so bad that I'm seeing things again, but certainly back to having negative thoughts, where everything that happens sparks it off.

e.g. I forgot to drink my brew and its gone cold - head goes "why not slit your wrists." Knackered after a day at work, "why not slit your wrists".

Now I have no intention of doing it or self-harming in any way, but god its trying my patience. I am pretty sure its down to a bit of stress I'm under at the moment, but after feeling pretty good for the last few weeks, its really getting me down.

When I'm not having intrusive thoughts, I find it hard to remember what its like to have them. I mean, how ridiculous thinking of harming yourself because you kept your biscuit in your brew so long that it fell in. But now they're back, they're hard to stop.

Bah.

It sucks doesnt it. I have a horrible phobia of dementia or memory loss. When i look at people (eg my husband) i no his names andy but the voices tease me and say thats not andy you stupid bitch, or i look at my kids and voices say whos that then? Even thou im well aware who they are. Im so afraid of dementia my brains mucking me about and its been going on for a few months now. Im on sertraline and diazepam. Starting therapy soon and i cant wait because it can be scary sometimes x

Hello :)

I really struggle with intrusive thoughts about cutting my wrists, it is very difficult isn't it? I suppose I try very hard to remember that I won't cut my wrists (not sure if this is applicable for you but it has always been my taboo!) and that it is just a thought that won't hurt me.

Can you access more support? Contact your CPN? Are you still working, how is that going? What do you think has made you wobble?

I am not useful, but I do really understand and can empathise. Take care of yourself! x

Hi Fluffy :)

Yes I'm still working, but its been hard going this week. I've sneaked onto MN for a bit.

I saw Psych no3 last week, but felt absolutely fine with no problems whatsoever. My care coordinator was happy and said we didn't need to see each other for a few weeks now and I agreed as at the time I was just fine.

Now this week I'm back to wobbly thoughts again. I could call her, but I'd feel a bit of a knob, so I'm going to wait it out and see how it goes.

Not sure what's set this one off to be honest. My moods still aren't properly stable at the moment. I went through a massive rapid cycle from the middle of Sept till the middle of oct and had been nice and stable for a few weeks. I'm hoping its not the start of another cycle as its not a nice experience and it was really difficult to stay in work last time.

How are things going with you now?

I would ring your care co-ordinator. if it turns out to be nothing then that is brilliant, but if it is you have taken the first steps towards getting the help you need. I know that feeling of feeling like a knob when you ring, but sometimes it helps me to share it and then I don't feel so alone and worried.

Can you afford a week or so off work to sort your head out (I know it doesn't take a week but ykwim!)

I am not brilliant really, bucked up the courage to tell my CPN yesterday which is very unlike me. Just doing things one day or week at a time still.

Mental health issues are just shit aren't they?