Just can't shake this feeling...

[doldrums]

Ok I just need to get this off my chest so you don’t have to respond. I have changed my name for this one.

I don’t really understand or can’t accurately describe/label what it is I’m feeling. Empty and tearful over nothing is probably the closest. Thing is I shouldn’t be because there are an awful lot of people in 100x worse situations than me but I just can’t shake it.
I am 32 wks pg with 2nd child and at work full time (finish at the end of April). My DH looks after our DS 3 days a week . Our house & garden is a mess. Unfinished building/DIY projects all over the place, some of which were started years ago. DH is good at what he does but refuses to get builders in on the grounds of cost which results in projects taking forever and then we forget what the original plan was and go round and round in circles with regard to decisions. Gets both of us down. Until recently we also had money problems which exarcebated things. When I get depressed/stressed I just shut down . I also hate confrontation. When he gets depressed/stressed he tends to drink and when he drinks he can get mouthy.
My DS is lovely and I dote on him but recently I seem to have less patience for him like I tend to prefer a bit of peace and quiet on my own upstairs rather than want to spend that time with him listening to his chit chat and playing his make believe games. I’ve seen a similar thing with cats –where the mother cat has got pregnant again and rejects her first litter. A bit of an exaggeration I know but it’s close to how I feel and it scares me because I’ve been worrying that I would love my DS less once a new baby came along.
I know I should be feeling excited at the prospect of the new arrival but with our house the way it is I just feel down. My mum is due to come and stay in about a month (she lives abroad) to look after DS during the birth and the spare room and bathroom are not ready (currently just shells) so the next few weeks are going to be stressful rather than restful.
Anyway, I just feel like crying but that’s not justifiable because I should just buck up, be positive and get a grip. I just can’t.

Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading if you got this far.

Poor old you, I can sympathise with the last part of your thread, I was terrified that I would feel differently to my ds1 when ds2 was due. Its the unknown isnt it. For what its worth, I love them both just as much as each other, and I am sure you will too. Don't worry too much about the house, I am sure your mum would not give a monkeys about what it looks like, and you'll probably find when she is with you she will want to help out with the garden etc anyway, just the same as you would in her position. Cheer up, the last couple of months are the worst I think, you need to stop giving yourself a hard time, and try to let things go over your head. Its not surprising that you haven't got as much patience with your little one, you are probably exhausted. Hope you feel better soon, and wish you all the best for the future.

dont worry. you will love your 2nd child just as much as your 1st, you just don't know it yet!
i know EXACTLY what you mean about the house.my dh is the same.we built 2 extensions after ds1 and ds2.its all finished now but i know what its like to live in a building site, no fun. he won't pay any tradesmen to do jobs he can do himself, but now he's burnt himself out and never seems to get round to doing all the things that need doing. i think you are probably feeling frustrated because you can't even do a small task yourself to help when your pg. i think when we're pg you get a need to sort everything out before the baby comes, you know you won't get chance once it arrives.if he's anything like my dh, there will be a last minute dash to finish it all the day before you are due! you will love your new baby,i promise you.

agree with bubbletop. When pregnant with ds1, his bedroom was done by the time i was 5 months. With ds2, he was about 3 months old before it was ready for him to move into. .

Thanks both of you. Bubblepop, I think you've hit the nail on the head about feeling frustrated about not being able to do much physically. I wish I had the time and the energy to give everything a good scrub down and yes the last minute dash is familiar too everytime my mum comes to stay and usually causes rows. Dh gets frustrated with me because when he wants to talk about DIY plans, usually at about 9pm, I'm just too tired. Plus I know that the conversation will end up in a confrontation.
i just want to cry right now (sometimes helps) but can't because I'm at work.