So about five years I have had an eating disorder on and off. I'm not sure where it came from, or why I've got it - suspect I'm a people pleaser (but not a push over) and a perfectionist, and can track it back to splitting up with my ex aged 29. I desperately wanted kids and he didn't so we split. I guess everything felt out of control. Some counselling (about a mc) two years ago helped me realise the above, and that the fact I'm a high-achiever elsewhere has given me unrealistic expectations in all aspects of my life.
Anyway, it has been under control at times - when I had DS I was fine for a year or two, but then had a mc at 8 weeks and it's not been great since. Not terrible - like my cousin who has bulimia and is sick several times a day -but would still happen 2 or 3 times a week.
So I have decided that today is the day I stop it. I have controlled it before, for long periods of time, by myself. I've actually put on weight since I started doing it again (I guess because it's not an effective weight control 'method' and bulimics consume too many calories!). DH and I want to start ttc again (he has no idea) and I KNOW from experience I will be fine when pg. But I want to control it before I get pg, so even after breastfeeding I hopefully won't slip back into it.
Have name changed for this simply because I don't want my RL friends to spot me...
So. Positive comments that it could be achievable?
Oh - and my 'weak spots' are weekday lunches; have been fine today. Moving on to day two now...