I went to the docs with my nerves. There are a number of things going on in my life that I can't control, I can just sort of live through, and most of the time I'm ok, but then suddenly I'll start talking about it and it's like being hit by a truck, and I burst into tears. Then I have a cry, and just get on with life.
I have a very young family - we had 3 children very quickly one after the other, and the eldest although I love him with every breath, is very challenging when the other two are around. We are managing his behaviour but it's very draining because there isn't a moment when I can let my guard down even for a second, as he hurts the others.
My husband has some pronounced ASD features and we're working towards a diagnosis but again it's quite draining as I have to do a lot of the thinking/planning especially with the kids as he just doesn't "get it" unless I'm incredibly specific. He is so clever he's barely functional but I can't take anything for granted as being intuitive for him.
We're in the middle of a significant legal case which is likely to go our way but is a constant source of strain.
I find myself really snapping at the kids, especially the oldest, and then am wretched with guilt afterwards.
My doctor diagnosed anxiety disorder rather than depression and prescribed CBT but I find it very hard and stressful to get to the appointments as I have to find childcare for all 3 children.
He also suggested citalopram which at the time I dismissed out of hand as I didn't want to feel even more depleted and tired. I saw a friend at the weekend however, who mentioned she was on it, for similar reasons and says it enables her to cope.
I don't want to be reliant/addicted and I can't bear the thought of even less energy than I have.
What should I do?