Advice on son's behaviour please

[fusarj]

Hello,

I have just registered onto mums net, as I am looking for some advice on my sons behaviour.... many thanks in advance to anyone that reads this post.

My son is 9 years old and the first child of three (he has two younger sisters 6 and 3 years old). He, in my opinion, is quite a bright child, maybe average on an academic level, but often talks about what he wants to do when older, that he wants to be the "boss" in his own business etc....

At school. the teachers have raised some concerns, that they would like me to talk to the doctor about, which has worried me, so I have come on here just to see if any other mums are experiencing the same. I have booked a doctors appointment for two weeks today.

1. My son is very controlling - for example, if he is playing a role play game with his younger sister, he will say what he wants to say, and then tell her what to say in response, so he has full control over what happens in the game.

1. When you speak to him, he walks around and around (cant stand still), so I have started to ask him to stand still and look me in the eye when speaking to me, but he finds looking me in the eye really difficult. He looks over my shoulder.

1. When he is angry, he gets really frustrated and keeps talking about the situation that has made him angry for a long time afterwards, even when everyone else has forgotten about it. He still has "paddy's", and if something is really making him angry he will grip his fists and shake whilst making a whinning noise (sorry I dont know how best to describe this).

1. He has bitten his nails to the core, since he was very little.

1. When speaking to the teacher, he appears very nervouse, and sometimes finds it hard to articulate himself, whereas at home, he talks normally,

1. His sisters make friends very easily, but my son will stand and watch what is happening first, before joining in. However, he then plays quite happily with others, but does like it when he can control what games they all play together.

1. He tells tales, in the sense that he can't distinguish between something that he should tell his teacher and minor things that you would normally turn a blind eye to.

1. His teacher has told me of occasions, when he is sitting at the table doing maths, and he has the rubber in his hand, another classmate may ask where the rubber is, he knows it is in his hand, but keeps a firm grip on it, denying any knowledge of where it is?? He has been taught to share right from when he was young, so I dont understand this type of behaviour.

1. HIs school teacher, at my son's request, has created a space just for him in the classroom - as he was complaining that the other children were distracting him and getting him into trouble. He loves being on his own in this area, and the teachers have said that his work has greatly improved. They have given him his own equipment with his name on, so that it is always available for him. He also, has a list of "instructions" they have compiled for him, so that he can read through and ensure that he has done everything he needs to do.

10. Sometimes, when the teacher is doing a presentation or telling the class how to proceed with some work, my son has a glazed look over his eyes, like the information is "not going in".....

Can anyone relate to any of the above? Sorry for such a long thread, I just feel rubbish as its hard to hear anything about your child other than positive.... and I feel that maybe, its because I work too much and don't spend enough time with him, or maybe didn't do something right as he was growing up?.......many thanks x

Sorry no advice I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run. Someone will be here soon who knows with appropriate advice

Sorry posted too soon... Your sons school sounds very helpful, his own space etc.

Have to run but just want to say a very loud and clear it is not something you have done at all and is definitely not because you work. Lovely ladies will be along v soon with super advice and support.

Well some of those things suggest possible Aspergers, (disclaimer: am not expert, have Autistic godson but not child). He may be just quirky, or at the edge of the autistic spectrum. How is he with empathy? Is he thoughtful, and understanding of other people's feelings? Does he find people's expressions hard to read? does he understand metaphors and sarcasm? is he funny? (of course children may be funny and still have Aspergers, it is the impairment in several key areas that gives the diagnosis I think). Someone with much more knowledge than me will post I'm sure.

What do the teachers feel is going on? Do they think he is coping well in the class or that he needs more support?

Many thanks for your replies, they are greatly appreciated. The teachers haven't mentioned anything exact, but raised several conditions, but said that he doesn't fit into one category perfectly.... (for want of a better word). They brought us ADHD, ADD (without the hyperactivity), possibly on the autistic spectrum or aspergers. But to be honest, until the last few days, I had not really come across most of these, so have had to do some online research myself.

He seems to be quite a thoughtful child and knows if he upsets someone. He likes to make people laugh, and sometimes acts the fool to achieve this....which his sisters and friends think is great....

xx

Hello there sounds like it s all a bit full on for you at the moment! Please don t feel guilty. You re doing all the right things by listening to the school staff, making the appointment, coming here so we ll have no more guilt!
Did you get the chance to speak to school SENCO? Have these concerns been raised by the school before? I m intrigued by the schools suggestion to see a GP rather than an educational psychologist( which they could instigate). Has your son had previous interventions from professionals?

Hello HalfCups,

Apologies, my mistake, I think you might be right about the SENCO, as that came up in the conversation with his teacher, but to be honest I didn't know what a SENCO was until I searched on the internet. I think they are arranging a meeting and possibly referal. I have booked him in with my family gp, as she is lovely and has always been my son's doctor - maybe just so I can get some "answers" before the referal process gets under way via the school.

My husband did bring up a point that I had forgotten about this evening, one which I probably didnt think too much about at the time, but my son went to a private nursery school from about 18 months to 4 years, and in the leaving report, there was a comment about how he preferred to play on his own and found socialising with other children harder than other children may find it.

Well the GP sounds like a positive start as you have such a good relationship with her. Maybe ask the school to give you written confirmation of the next
steps they are going to take regarding a referral about your son s needs. It always helps to keep a written record of who s going to do what and when as things may start to get a bit hectic. Any referral needs to be agreed by you but still if this is all new to you it is easy to get overwhelmed. Terms such as ADHD and Autism are bandied about easily nowadays and can be helpful but try to hold back on lots of research until the professionals have done some observations on your son and gathered information from you. If you want to you can PM (private message) me any time. I am a teacher with 23 years if experience in working with children with a range of special needs, an Inclusion Manager(SENCO) for eight years, and mother of three. And I m a good listener too!

I mean 'of experience' not 'if....' Ooh it's late!

Thank you soooo much HalfCups. I will definitely be in touch x

ask school to invite the ducaitonal psychologist in to do observations adn talk to DS, then follow from there - point is to ask ed psych for strategies you a and school can use to mitigate any negative impacts of whatever it is he has or does

educational psychologist - you can call them yourselves call main council switchboard and ask for "educatonal psychology" dept