How do I decide when I'm 'well'?

[HauntedLittleLunatic]

Am currently doing something hugely stressfull at work.

I was foolish enough to work.myself into the ground last week (literally going to.bed at 3am or later and getting up at 7am).

I finally broke Friday. Physically sick. Couldn't walk in a straight line. Very 'groggy' which I put down to physical symptoms of lack of sleep. Phoned in sick. Got told to go to Dr which I did.

Dr has given me some self help websites which I admit I haven't looked at yet cos I came home and went straight to sleep and have lost the slip of paper they were on. She advised me to self certificate for a week and then review. If I need a sick nite I need to return else she recommended a phased return.

I thought sleep would fix me.

Saturday, I was still very incoherent. I couldn't 'think straight' when put under slight pressure. I was often losing what I was going to say mid sentence. Yesterday I was slightly better. I have been alone all day today so dunno how much clarity I will have when I have to interact with others. I still feel very 'groggy'. I still have a noticeable tremor.

Si how will I know if I am fit for work on Friday. I am very embaressed about what happened last week so it would be very easy for me to say I am not fit and delay my return.

This is the sort of thing that you need to deal with one day at a time.
Tomorrow is another day and all that.

Today.Sleep, rest,relax.

When you are abletoday, or if not, tomorrow,ring the surgery,speak to the receeptionist and say you have lost the piece of paper,can you have another list please.This sort of thing must happen all the time,so dont be embarrased.

I went through a similar thing last month, and the websites they gave me were for online CBT:
moodgym
LLTTF (living life to the fullest)

Do they sound familiar? BTW mood gym was very cheesy, but did kind of help.

Also, on how you will know: I really don't know. I was off for two weeks (one week self-cert, the next signed off by doc), and then went back on a phased return (coming in for four hours one week, six the next, and then back to full time - I work part time though) as advised by my work's occupational health advisor.
I went back for my six hour stint last week and still felt sick and anxious at work - am back in for a full week as of Wednesday. So we'll see.

Don't feel bad about this - it is your mind and body telling you that enough is enough. If you are still shaking and feeling anxious then you are not ready - go back and see your doc if needs be. Before I went back, mine prescribed me some beta-blockers and referred me to their wellbeing clinic - knowing that a) the medication could temporarily take away the shakes and physical symptoms of anxiety and that b) longer term help was on the way, really helped.
Just forget about the details of work and focus on your health - your doctor and work need to respect that. Plus looking at it coldly, you can't do the work at the moment anyway.

I know you are right.

It's not really 'work' per se.

I am doing a PGCE. I have returned after a break due to unforeseen (and unrelated) circumstances.

I think I have got into this mess because I was overworking and not sleeping. I think that is because I was trying too hard to be perfect and still getting a lot of (justified) criticism (which is part of the learning process. I was working harder and harder to correct the faults that were being criticised.

I did ask for some help but probably too late and probably not loud enough.

One of my criticisms is that I am not projecting enough 'happiness' in the classroom. I feel so stupid and even less happy now and don't know how I am going to go back to face this without feeling down because I see this whole episode as failure.

I can't do this part time (it has to be full time to meet the requirements of the course).

I also have added finacial pressures of needing to get back in.

And mood gym was one of the websites. I have found the slip of paper now.

I see - funnily enough I work part-time and study for a PhD part-time too. I think mine is more than work related also - I feel a real panic about doing well and being near 'perfect' in every area of my life. I think studying adds fuel to my fire, and the job is education related - looks like the challenges on your course, and the inevitable criticisms are setting you off too? It's easy to know that education IS about criticism, but it can still be hard to take especially when you are suffering from anxiety (whether this is a 'disorder' or a temporary issue).
Mood gym was good at showing me what my triggers were, and the unconscious belief that I needed to be perfect to succeed and be accepted was central. Any criticism, or perceived criticism at work, by my supervisor, at home, from friends is taken as a huge problem for me: I think about them over and over again, always trying to correct myself, always thinking I will fail and lose everything. I read everything as a rejection. I also obsess about the past and re-live any slights.
Can you get any help from your uni / college?
Oh and I also bought 'Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies' (helpful title!) which is mixed, but has some good tips for focussing on what your triggers are, plus some practical relaxation techniques.

I see you have asked for help - do shout louder once you are strong enough.

Also you have NOT failed, you are just starting out. Projecting happiness seems a pretty vague and general criticism - you will get there, once you are more confident! Tutors tend to set the bar at the qualified height and just keep getting you to reach it - which you will.

It's a secondary science.

My current problem with planning is that I can see that there are shortfalls in my plans. I am then spending a lot of time trying to put right the things I can see are wrong. I'm struggling to see how to put right the things I can see are wrong and this is where I need to ask for more help.

My mentors have told me I am overplanning
My friends have told me I am too much of a perfectionist.

Both are right. Hopefully the fact that I can see that now will help.me to manage those challenges going forward. I just need to get into a position where I feel able to communicate in coherent sentences.