Too many life events...instability causing anxiety...help me help my dh

[JellyBellyMummy11]

In t last year, we have had a complete overhaul of our life.
We had a beautiful son last year, who is wonderful but of course it changed ur life.
My FIL then passed away 4months later, leaving my MIL on her own. We lived in a stunning flat but had no space to a accommodate her so have moved out into a rental property until we find somewhere nice to buy.
My DH was working flat out and dealing with his loss, our move, our new baby started taking its toll on him and he started feeling very panicky and anxious.
Things have been a bit more settled in t last cpl of months but he feels like nothing is tbsane anymore and he is getting anxious which makes him unable to sleep at night which makes him more worried abt work t next day (he's a GP so can't afford to have a bad day at work).

On top of that we are expecting again, and he worries abt if we need to move again soon if our landlord doesn't renew.

I have listened and try to be positive and he knows all of that himself but can't snap out of it...how can I help him more? What can I do to make him see that we've got thru t worst of it and it can only get better from now?
He has taken some medication earlier in t year but obv doesn't want to continue on this given his job etc.

Help plz...

Please ask him to go back to the doctors, he must not let this go on as it will physically be very hard to get over. What medication was he on before? There are plenty of drugs to help with anxiety that wont affect his performance at work, and no way are they allowed to discriminate against him becaue of mental health issues, no way! He will perform better at work if he isn't anxious, is sleeping well - he has to view this as an illness, he wouldn't be reticent about medical help if he suddenly had a bad back.

Maybe suggest some sort of talking therapy too.

I'm not sure of t medication name, sorry but it does help him. I've asked him what he would suggest to his own patients, and he says t same thing...! But it's so diff when it's ur own issue, he doesn't want to rely on meds...

He performs fine day to day and u wouldn't know he might be feeling anxious, and I think in t day he does get too caught up and busy to let things affect him. But it's nights which get affected cos his mind is racing of all t things he worries abt, and individually they r all manageable things but in t back of so much change and him feeling like nothing is t same anymore, even t little things bother him. He's very concsious that I'm preg and looking after our son and going back to work myself in a cpl of months...it seems so easy to say its ok and just snap out of it kind of stuff but I realise that's not t right things to say and just need to know how to handle a conversation without trying to fix it...I've never been a great listener/advisor...

hi - i am in same position as ur husband. it's hard when u r expected to be 'super human' and cope with all life throws ur way. u feel like u must not show any weakness and that doctors are not allowed to feel low, need help etc. I don't know what the answer is except that I guess we are all human and must give ourselves a break at some point, just like we would advise our patients. PM me if u fancy.

If he's a bit wary of taking any medication has he considered counseling, or even alternative therapies such as hypnotherapy (which I think is wonderful)? My story is that I was just terrified of taking medication when I had PND, and tried all sorts of other things but the counseling was definitely the best (CBT).

Thank u for ur suggestions, in many ways its odd cos he knows better than anyone (ESP me) what options r available. So I don't mean to sound ungrateful for those but I'm really after if there is anything I can do/say to help him without him having to take t next step to seek help. He's such a string person otherwise, and has always been able to make me feel better when ive felt stressed in t past, just wish there was a way I could make him feel more strong again now about everything that is worrying him without sounding like I'm saying, that's ok, don't worry abt this and that cos its not that bad...which might sound insensitive. I feel a bit lost cos there lots going on otherwise like me going back to work, having another baby, his work getting busier as he's becoming partner, it's as if nothing is steady and stable and I don't want him to feel like he can't cope...he can, he just needs to get out if this cycle of anxiety...and sleepless nights...

can you sit down together and make a battle plan? IT seems as though the current anxiety may have been triggered by the number of life events and worry about the future.

If you sit down and write down very single problem then brainstorm some creative small step solutions, he may feel more in control of his life.

Also can you both think more about his time? When you are under pressure it can feel like you are running around like a headless chicken. Can you help him cut back on unnecessary things and carve out some time doing things that will help him, especially a few sessions of some kind of aerobic exercise each week.

Together these two approaches may be enough for him to get back on top of it again.

I think all you can do is to be calm around him and let him know (whch I'm sure you have)that you will listen if he needs to talk, and reassure him that he is loved and that over time this will pass. I do wonder about depression thought because it is almost always about loss and his father died recently, and many other things going on at the same time.

I don't know what the protocol is for GPs when they are ill - another GP I reckon but can understand his reluctance in this respect. Would he pay to see a good therapist and unload some of his worries in confidence.

Think zebrazoo has some good ideas.

Don't forget yourself in the middle of all this!

Hey everyone, thank you so much for your replies and suggestions. We had a good chat abt things this evening, and to my surprise my DH decided that he is considering speaking to his own doctor to try some medication to help him feel back to normal.

Thank u all again tho x

I hope he feels better soon. Just to reassure him that it's common to feel like this after a bereavement and mix that with stress and worry and it's understandable why it's happening.

If you can get him to rest as much as possible that will really help him on a day to day basis. Taking control of your accommodation would be a good step forward as well as this is very uncertain and insecure at the moment.

Good luck and keep telling him he's doing a great job, he will get better and that you and your family love him for who he is not just what he provides

he has to seek help for his own issues; there has to be access for gps to acess help. he knows better than anyone how important it is to get help eg counselling for the bereavement etc.

there is so much you can do to be supportive but if he is in a spiral of anxiety he himself has to seek help from another doctor. hat has to be your line you could offer to go with him to he appointment.

he has to put his own mental health first; otherwise he could put other patients at risk.

far better he on medication which helps him to function than risk losing it in front of a patient ....

I agree with you, he's been to his doctor today and got himself some meds which he's started...

I really appreciate t advice tho, ZebraZoo - so much good advice, that I'm going to try and work on in any case.

Thank u all x

This might be useful if your DH happens to be based in London, Kent, Sussex or Surrey. Maybe other areas have something similar?

I do hope the meds work and your pregnancy is going well. All this must be a lot of pressure on you too.