I have a friend who I know reasonably well through work (Kate). She has a history of depression and eating disorder. She is occasionally off work with what she calls 'inability to cope' and will lose tons of weight at these times. She is currently taking antidepressants but functioning ok at work.
Kate is 33 and has a husband and two kids.
Kate's husband is superficially charming but there's something about him I find insincere. He certainly doesn't like her going out without him and she has often admitted that 'it's not worth the hassle' of planning an evening out (dinner as a group of friends) because he sulks for ages afterwards. He doesn't mention his own friends and neither does she so I don't know that he has any. He complains afterwards if she comes in tipsy from half a bottle of wine. When they are in company, he doesn't take his eyes off her - which makes it hard to have a conversation.
Her husband gets them into a lot of debt (I mean, a LOT) and because of this they've had their home repossessed despite both having good jobs. His spendin is still out of control (they were renting but could no longer afford the rent) and they are now lodging with his cousin indefinitely. They are not paying any keep, so spend their money on expensive things that they 'want' but couldn't afford if they had their own home (like recent trip to New York).
Just recently she has been really 'down' and told him she wanted to end the marriage. I've never seen her so low and though I was pleased she's stood up and said what she thought, I did worry where she and the kids would go.
Since then he's been 'making an effort' which has involved buying her very expensive clothes/bags and taking her away on expensive weekends leaving the kids with his cousin. She now says he's 'making an effort' and 'he does really love me, after all.' I think he's realised she's on the brink and he's throwing money at her. He has also suggested they move abroad.
As a bystander, there's little I can do but I wonder if my assessment of the situation is way off the mark? I think he's very controlling. I worry for her and the kids and I find the friendship very frustrating as she is very inconsistent and much seems to depend on whether he 'approves' of our plans.
Does this sound like a familiar pattern? Anyone had a friend in this situation?