Past trauma - minor

[cannotdecide]

Hello. Just after some advice please. Have suffered with depression on and off, this year has been bad. Having some CBT which has been very helpful but has started to touch on the past. Nothing major happened to me and i had a good childhood but my father expected a lot from me, he wanted me to always be the best. He once hit me and gave me a black eye, a one off, he was very upset. I've always looked for his approval though before doing things and his wishes have always impacted in what I do eg where to go to uni, what to study. We've always generally got on well though, but the older I get the more irritated I get with him. My point is I think overall my childhood was good and being hit once is probably not significant, however since talking about it I can't stop crying and can't get it off my mind.

Am I making too much of a little thing - and trying to blame current problems on it? Or is this worth exploring more? Feel stupid for posting and felt like I'd betrayed My dad when I talked to my therapist about the black eye - it was a minor one-off. I just can't get it out of my
Head now though. Thanks.

If you and your therapist think it's worth exploring more and you want to I think it may help you. I was once unfairly (imo) punished as a child immediately before going to school and this oftn plays over in my mind when depressed. I've had loads of counslling and never mentioned it because of feelings of betrayal you describe. As it's out in the open maybe just go with the flow if you feel like talking about it at your next session do and if you don't, then don't.

Poor you.:( Being hit so hard by your dad that you sustained a black eye is not a minor or little thing, cannotdecide. It is very traumatic and horrible and must have shocked you to the very core. Why did he do this awful thing - was he drunk or angry or clinically insane at the time? It is likely that what ever caused him to act in this terrifying, painful way had a massive impact on the family and on you. It is definitely worth exploring more in therapy. I hope you find a way to make sense of it all. xxxx

Hi cannot.saw your post and couldnt pass by without replying.
What you describe doesn't sound minor.having such an influence over big decisions must have had quite an impact on life.
It struck a cord because i had something a bit similar.i went for counselling because i kept getting really angry about something that happened. Without boringyou stupid it was impacting on a relationship.in the course of counselling i spoke for the first time about my dad doing something minor but very inappropriate to me.like you,after so long being buried i could think of nothing else and felt awful.in the long run it did help and i realised although i thought i had dealt and managed with it, it wad colouring how i was.the counsellor let meget it all out and i feel different now.
The whole point of this waffle is to say what you are feeling is normal and i would stick with it.it gets worse but then much better.you need chance to speak to someone about it. Your reaction seems completely reasonable.so it was only once but it was very serious and it only takes once for trust to be called into question.i am sure he is a good father if you say so but you should also be able to say that incident was more than minor and very damaging.
Sorry this is not v helpful but well done for tackling this.stick with it.i could say more but am on way to bed.i will check in tomorrow to see how you are doing.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

Thank you for your replies. I feel a bit better that others think that this was a significant event and worth talking through. I know that other people have had so much worse to deal with but yes I was affected by it so will work on my feelings. He was angry when it happened, not drunk although he's a big drinker. I had put it to the back of my mind and was surprised at myself that it came up but I think it may help to explain some of my problems. Thanks again.