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Mental health

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How do you know when it's just every day life or something more?

14 replies

fluffygal · 14/09/2012 12:58

I am having a bit of a stressful time at the moment and have just cried because a) someone didn't move when I said excuse me so had to push past them and b) I had told the school I had noticed ss2 had nits and had used a nitty gritty comb that morning, only for me to pick him up and them say he's got nits (duh I told you that!). I can't see any though but obviously will keep combing for the next week. I am nearly having panic attacks when I see the house is dirty. The corners of the window sills are a bit black from dust/dirt and I want to cry about it. I feel overwhelmed every day. Dd1 had her first day at a new school and her dad made her late, I was at work and it was out of my control, I broke down in tears about it! Is this normal? I know I am stressed but have never really understood when do people know that they need help? Is it just when you can't get out of bed?

The big things in my life are having 5 kids under 6 to look after, 2 are my stepsons who don't see their BM. I still BF my 23 month old. I started back at uni this week after taking two years out, about to do my last year of the degree. We moved a year ago and I'm doing the house up still, so it is not up to standard.

My OH took over a business a few months ago, it is not performing very well as the last person run it into the ground. I had been working 70-80 hours a week to cover OH's loss of earnings (doing nights, evenings and mornings) but have dropped to 35 hours a week as now doing a full time degree involving placements. He has completely wrecked his work van which cost us 18k, has in 3 months gained a speeding fine, got one insurance claim which he denied until I had a man shouting at me on the phone and I had to sort out. Same man had reported OH to the police so we then had threats from police of being charged with various things (this is sorted now, nothing come of it). Two days ago my OH was assaulted by another man whose car he clipped. He was dragged out of the van, screamed at and kicked in the chest. Witnesses wouldn't get involved as the man has a reputation. I googled him and he has been in prison for killing someone amongst other things like burglary, GBH. I am scared he is going to track down where we live and hurt my children, the witness said do as your told re:insurance, dont report to police or he will burn your van out and rob you. I feel so sick and scared.

Oh helps a bit round the house, he does the washing up and sweeps but anything more then that doesn't cross his mind (washing, ironing, dusting etc). Things are tough between us which I knew they would be whilst we took over the business but this is far harder then I thought it would be and I am beginning to resent him (because of the accidents and state of the van, not for not earning money as he is trying).

Well done if you read this far! Think I needed to tell someone everything that's been happening. So what I really want to know is if this was your life and felt how i do, do you think you would just get on with it or need help? I don't know what to do. My children got their new childminder to buy me flowers as they want mummy to stop crying all the time. I was mortified.

OP posts:
purplepenguin86 · 14/09/2012 13:14

Firstly, sorry to hear you are struggling. It definitely sounds like you have a lot going on, so it is hard to say whether it is 'just' life, or whether it is something more. It does sound like you may be depressed, but the difficulty is that because you have so much crap going on, even if you are depressed it may well be circumstantial rather than clinical, in which case medication would be unlikely to help. I don't think it would hurt to either go and see your GP and tell them what is going on and how you are feeling, or to book some sessions with a counsellor to talk things through. There are also some CBT based websites you could give a go if you would rather go down that route. I think what to do depends on what you would feel most comfortable doing, but I do want to say that how you are feeling is totally valid and understandable, and I think any of the routes you could take would be very reasonable. I hope things start to improve for you soon.

Helpyourself · 14/09/2012 13:31

You sound overwhelmed. And unsurprisingly so. Can you give yourself some space to think about what's going on? Perhaps print out you post, double spaced, and sit down with it and make notes?
Lots of solutions for so much going on might be unhelpful in your situation because they cost too much, but thinking further could take some pressure off. Eg, a cleaner's too expensive but you could drop off a service wash once a fortnight, or the DCs could eat at the CM every Friday.
These might sound like random and perhaps in your situation not the right ideas, but if you can think up a few situations where you can take the pressure off you, you might be able to see the wood for the trees.

fluffygal · 14/09/2012 13:41

Purple- that's exactly it, it's the circumstances but then is this just normal life? There's always going to be something going on and I need to learn to cope with it. Don't like the sound of meds anyway.

Help- well actually the kids have only just started with their childminder on Tuesday, and they are having dinner there 4 days a week! Because I have 5 children I have to use two separate minders, and one can't start until the 24th so I have been juggling that for the past week, rushing back from uni as my friend has helped out. Also From the 27th the same friend is starting a cleaning business and she is going to do some cleaning once a week to help out, as well as dog walk on that day (I have two dogs and also a foster dog). I can only afford two hours so won't get loads done but a little but may help. Also, I was going to get my MIL to help with ironing but we have had a screaming row as she said I need to slow down but don't leave things to the last minute-impossible when you have to work and have 5 children and a complete contradiction in terms!

I have been clinging on thinking once I start at uni things might get better, but the whole situation with my OH being assualted has thrown things up in the air again. Can you get an alarm which would send an alarm to a neighbour at all rather then just one that makes a loud sound that everyone ignores?

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 14/09/2012 14:06

It sounds to me that you're coping amazingly well with the practical side of things and that the trauma of your DHs has really thrown you a curve ball. Can you talk to someone from Victim Support?

CitizenOscar · 15/09/2012 20:35

If it helps, you definitely do have a lot going on. I feel overwhelmed, stressed & tearful every day and I really don't have anything like what you've got going on.

I don't think anyone could blame you for feeling overwhelmed.

Lambethlil · 16/09/2012 09:00

How are you fluffy?

TheSilverPussycat · 16/09/2012 10:39

In your situation I would be curled up in bed whimpering. Please do consider going to your GP and telling them how much stress you are under. He/she may prescribe a short course of ADs - this may help you to address the situational problems from a better place, they aren't just for 'natural' depression iyswim.

charlottehere · 16/09/2012 10:44

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) Anyone would be stressed with all that shit going on. Your life sounds incredibly stressful.

charlottehere · 16/09/2012 10:48

I agree with going through your post and tackling each problem one by one. Keep talking on here.

fluffygal · 17/09/2012 16:41

Hi everyone just noticed your replies. I am feeling much better, I am no longer panicking about the man who assaulted OH. I still get overwhelmed at home due to stupid little things but I am trying to ignore them. Uni is already piling on the work but I am going to organise time to do it all so I don't get behind. Work have rung every day since I dropped my hours to get me to pick up work but I have stayed strong for once and said no, working any extra will stress me out more.

OP posts:
Lambethlil · 17/09/2012 18:19

Fantastic!
You sound much less overwhelmed- just slightly 'whelmed'? Wink
Well donee for recognising that you can't work extra hours and saying no too!

happybubblebrain · 17/09/2012 18:26

That sounds like an incredible amount to cope with and enough work for about 4 adults.

You can only do what you can do. Anything else, try not to stress about.

Well done for coping so far. There is nothing wrong with a good cry when you need one.

fluffygal · 18/09/2012 18:21

I have noticed I haven't cried in a couple of days! I have started to panic about little things but walk away and try to forget about them before I get to the crying part! And my lecture finished early today so I left the kids at the childminders and came home and CLEANED! All the little niggly bits are there but I feel so much better with a cleaner house!

OP posts:
happybubblebrain · 19/09/2012 20:14

Glad you are feeling better. Smile

I always feel better when the house is clean and I've got it out of the way. I have a day off work tomorrow to do this, and catch up with a list of other things.

Have you tried making a quick list of all the other things that need doing? At least it gets them off your mind, and you feel good when you can start to tick things off.

Thanks Here are some flowers because you have stopped crying. Hope you manage to do something tomorrow that you really enjoy. Something just for you.

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