Will someone talk to me aabout depression/anxieety and life being a bit shit?

[fairyfriend]

I'm posting this while I'm calm- on something of a 'good day'. I'd just like some input into whether this could be a 'mental health issue' or whether I just need to get a grip.
Life has not been going well this year- I have several threads on here. But basically I've had a bereavement, various other emotional upheaval and some family issues which are still going on.

I'm managing to cope day to day, with kids and a very demanding job. I'm able to socialise OK, and look forward to seeing friends.

But during any time alone, I fall to pieces. My DH works evenings, and I can be cheery as anything while dealing with the kids, but once they're in bed, that's it. I cry and cry until I'm exhausted. Even if I try to distract myself, I cry. I will literally be cleaning the kitchen with tears streaming down my cheeks.

It isn't just evenings, I have a ten minute journey home from work, during which I end up in floods of tears.

Now, I'm not sure if it is some kind of depression, or whether it's just normal. I mean, I'm crying because I'm very sad, right?

My DH is wonderfully supportive, but I haven't told him how bad I'm feeling.

Ii can't decide whether I need to get some kind of help, or simply do a better job of filling my time until it passes.

Go to your doctor and talk to them about it. Your going through a lot emotionally at the moment and your doing the best you can but obviously and understandably not comfortable with the daily tears. When did you last have some time off for just you?

Fairy - I feel much like you do on many occasions. I went grocery shopping last night after the children were put to bed. During dinner/bedtime, I was ok, cheerful and happy with the kids. I read stories to them and all was ok.

When I got in the car, I just broke down into floods of tears. I had been feeling anxious all day.

I have been seeing a counsellor (it's helpful), and she talked me through a useful analogy.

When our lives are bumbling along in a normal way, our "cup" isn't overflowing. We can cope with everything in the cup and if it occasionally overflows (added work stress, exams day to day extras), we are emotionally able to deal with it. When we go through a period of upheaval and a long term overflowing cup, we don't have the time to work through our issues and it all becomes overwhelming. This leads to us feeling anxious and out of control.

Essentially, what she was saying is that is very important to allow our cup to empty out a bit, simplify our lives and give ourselves time to process difficult situations, periods of stress.

Although my anxiety is much better, I still live with a lot of stress (related to my son's health issues). Today I feel very stressed - so your post resonated with me. The one thing my counsellor keeps on harping on about is the benefit of exercise - she's convinced it's a miracle cure for anxiety. The problem for me is that some days my anxiety is so crippling the thought of even trying to get out for a walk or a run can send me spiralling. She suggests that I do breathing exercises to try and get past this. She's right, when I do get out and exercise I feel a million times better. I am just not very good or self motivated to keep it up.

I have had a similar experience in the past. My father died very suddenly while I was living overseas and it sent me into a spiral of anxiety and depression. I too struggle with my emotions when I'm alone/have time off/am on holiday.

I knew I needed help when I started to cry uncontrollably in a work meeting. My boss told me to take some time off and I was lucky enough to see a counselor through work. Taking this time out to talk to someone was invaluable and I think it saved my life. It was uninterrupted time that was devoted solely to me and my needs and helped me to get to the bottom of what was bothering me. (Abandonment issues, low self-esteem, people pleaser)

I still have anxiety and depression which comes and goes, I think it will always be something that pops up, but I've found a few ways to deal with it. Exercise is the best, if I can get my arse in gear to actually do some. I go to a class that is so hard I can only think about the next 2 seconds of getting the moves right and not dying from lack of oxygen and I always feel better for 2 or 3 days afterwards. Solo exercise, for me, isn't good because I end up thinking too much about my problems and don't get into the flow. The class makes me work really hard and takes my head out of my navel for long enough to truly relax. I also took a mindfulness for stress reduction course (again through work, I am with the NHS) but I can recommend "Mindfulness for Depression" by Jon Kabat-Zinn et al if you don't have access to a course. It has a meditation CD with it that is very good.

When I am doing these two things my mood is better and my anxiety is much less debilitating.

Please go talk to your GP or find a counselor to talk to. Most cities have charitable counselling services where you pay what you can if money is an issue.

Good luck.