Hi Lottapianos sorry to hear you're having such a tough time - its so draining isn't it ? I've no experience of psychotherapy but I imagine it is really hard work so it is no surprise that you're feeling sick of 'feeling so much'.
However I do have experience of how you're feeling and I do have a positive story for you with regard to ADs which I was really averse to trying until I had some very good advice on here and also at the GPs. You can probably find all my threads which I started on here earlier this year when I was going through a horrible, horrible time. I had PND and Panic Disorder which was mutating into Agoraphobia.
It had dragged on for about two years - I'd spent days bristling with anxiety, struggling to leave the house, resentful of everyone else feeling 'normal' or 'happy' and getting huge waves of panic for no reason. I was eventually diagnosed when DD was one but I was so anti-medication that I tried other routes first - hypnotherapy, CBT, St John's Wort, Mindfulness Meditation - but while I could see the benefits of each method it felt as though my head was full of knots and I, like you, was desperate to just feel nothing for once.
I went to the GPs for Beta Blockers as a last resort and while I was there he said that my best route would be ADs. When I described how I'd been feeling rather than falling off his chair in shock he just nodded and said that it was very common, and treatable. That's the key. It can be treated.
Initially the Sertaline heightened all my worst feelings and it was a tough six weeks before I started to level out but the difference in me is unbelievable,
and now that I look back at myself I can't believe how bad I let the situation get before I sought help. For me it really was a last resort, and while I still have bad days it has given me the impetus to really make some drastic changes to my life which I wouldn't have been able to do before. The panic is managable but they don't 'switch you off' so you are just on top of things, managing, and feeling slightly more positive about it.
That at least has been my experience. I can't tell you how much my life has improved - some of those improvements are self-made - I've stopped drinking, smoking and drinking caffiene and have started eating well and getting regular exercise and doing yoga. Its made me very dull at parties but I feel lighter and brighter for it and I really do feel that ADs gave me the push I needed.
Enjoy your holiday and be very kind to yourself. You are trying to improve your situation which is more than many people do and step by step you will start seeing improvements, with or without ADs.