Need to make a decision but I've gone numb

[RiaOverTheRainbow]

I've had depression/anxiety on and off since sixth-form and last year I was suicidal and had to leave university (3rd year of 4 year course). I was supposed to go back today (classes start on the 17th) but last night Mum said she didn't think it was a good idea and I completely broke down, and since I haven't really been able to feel anything.

I guess it's a self-preservation thing, if I don't feel anything I don't feel omg-my-life-is-over-I-can't-cope-I-might-as-well-die-now, but I need to feel things to figure out if I can cope with uni or I should stay home!

Right now I've got all the pros and cons going round in my head, but I can't figure out what I actually want to do, and I don't have that long to make a decision.

Does anyone know how to get past the numbness without freaking out again?

This might sound like a blatantly obvious, daft question, but have you been to see your GP recently?

I think that you are in some sort of 'shock' probably brough on by fear.

Why do you need to 'feel things' to sort it out, could you try to make a 'head decision'. Feelings are good things, but they are not good when they are out of control and you have the 'churning'. Feeling should be your slave and not your master, you have to take control of them.

Of course you should go back and finish your course, you have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fears will not go until you face them down, then you will find that it was really nothing that bad.

Write down what you want from life, and write down what you need to get it. Write down where you want to be in a few years? does college degree figure highly in this, then if it does go for it.

I have spent 40 years feeling and acting on fear and anxiety, and I have missed many oppertunitys to reach my full potential, I always shied away from situations that made me fearful, I have just beens set free from this by my faith and by counselling, I will be damned if I am going to live another day not doing all I am able to do.

Don't waste time on fear/anxiety...or you might wake up 40+ looking at all the wasted years.

I saw my counsellor on Friday, my GP just prescribed me ADs (none of them helped).

ADs take several weeks to work, so give them time. One tip I wish I'd been told (and indeed my SIL and one of my friends too) is that exercise is extremely good for people suffering with depression. And I don't mean the odd 5 minutes, I mean an hour of walking/20 mins of jogging/swimming etc at least 5 times a week. I know it sounds like the last thing you want to do, but it really is very effective in helping. It took me until I was about 25 to realise how very precious my life is, and now I want it to go on forever. Give it time (and exercise) and professional help. Good luck.

Yes I do 20-30 mins hard exercise everyday, dreading the dark nights.

I wasn't clear Todays I meant I've tried several ADs in the time I've been home, and the GP doesn't have anything else to offer. Thanks for the tip.

I think you're right number I need to just go for it. I guess I'm wobbling because Mum's worrying and it's making me doubt myself.

Mothers...the root of all my low self esteem problems is my mother.

Can you talk mor epositively to yourself, for example you could go in and try for an hour, if you can't handle it you can leave. I say this as someone who missed uni because I got too scared to get out. Rthe car when I had driven there, the anxiety took over my life. All ican do now is break things down into smaller manageable parts.

Ultimately only you can decide for yourself. Would just like to say though that it can be done. I relate to your story - I too was suicidal at uni (2nd yr of 3yr course) wasn't sure I could go back. Actually forced myself back because I didn't like the thought of not going back and wondering "what if...?". I'm very glad I did go back but I did so on the knowledge that I could leave if I needed to .

Also I agree with numbertaker.