My day so far...

[YommyMommy]

I have been suffering with anxiety/general panic disorder since the birth of my ds1 six year ago. I now have a beautiful DS2 who is 4. I seen my GP a few years a ago and had some counselling but have most gotten there on my own. I really was getting better until my boss upped my hrs to 5 days and found things were just getting too much. I have been feeling more and more anxious...but carried on regardless.

This morning just before waking I had anwful dream the I had killed my boys. Once ds was awake it quickly went out of my head, until we were sitting watching a film and the thought came into my head. I ran up the stairs away from them almost going into panic attack terrified I was going to hurt them :( I called my aunt for help and she came down as I was scared to b with them alone. What the hell is going on?? I love my sons so much and have never even thought about anything like this before.

My aunt is staying over night and I'll make an appointment to see GP tomorrow.

Am I going crazy? Is this the beginning of the end for me :(

Oh you poor thing! No honestly, it WAS just x dream-a horrible, awful one but doesn't mean you're a danger to your kids... At all!! Think we'd all be locked up if so! It's provably more fear of the worst- mixed up somehow with your overwhelming sense of responsibility for them ( which is natural)?? But if you are getting v stressed maybe reconsider counseling again, but not on the basis of this nightmare alone IMHO

Thank you!!

I am going to work tomorrow to speak to them about my hrs...that for me is the biggest stresser.

I am still terrified about how scared I felt this morning and to think I could even contemplate that has just shaken me to the core!!

I will also make appointment for GP and get to see her tomorrow. I know I shouldn't have let it get to this point!

I just hope I NEVER EVER have those horrible thoughts like that again! X x

Hope not either but remember that you were asleep at the time, not the same as a thought.
Good luck with yr Gp

No, you are nowhere near crazy.

My friend used to suffer panic attacks and have strange thoughts that she would accidently hurt her baby. It's anxiety, and not a sign you are becoming dangerous.

Good luck at the GP's