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Help please

5 replies

Lulu41 · 16/03/2006 13:40

My dp is having a relationship with at least one other person if not more. I am putting up and shutting up for various reasons. I am getting to the point where I hate myself for being such a doormat but don’t know how to stop. We used to live together now we don’t - don’t really want to go into too much detail (get paranoid that someone might recognise me/us!!) We have been together for over 10 years and he stills sends me lovely emails and texts and I get the most gushy cards for Christmas/Birthdays but his actions do not correspond. I am scared of my dp’s anger it fills me with dread – he is not physically abusive but can be very abusive verbally especially if he is feeling defensive which is why I don’t talk to him about anything.

My main problem is that I am finding it very difficult to hide my feelings of sadness in front of my children although I don’t ever say anything bad about their father in front of them. Is there anyone out there that has been in a similar situation or is going through the same and has come out the other side. I know that I should talk to him but I am just not able to I keep thinking that maybe one day he will get sick of leading a double life and will want to talk to me about it but I feel that all my life is run by his agenda. What makes it worse at the moment my best and oldest friend is also having an affair so I no longer feel able to share my feelings with her. Don’t know what to do !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
7up · 16/03/2006 13:50

sorry no advice here other than dump him and get on with your life and being a good mum. obviously youre self esteem must be very low from the verbal bashings hes given you. you honestly do not need to put up with this behaviour. i hope someone comes on with good advice for you. good luck

7up · 16/03/2006 20:55

bump

m4ya · 17/03/2006 02:17

Hey Lulu41,
Get rid of him!! He has no right to treat you like that! Im sure it wont be doing your self esteem or your children any good. In the very least you should talk to him and tell him you no longer going to put up with him treating you as a door mat! Its hard but atleast you wont be stuck in limbo land! hope everything works out for you! Smile

Lulu41 · 17/03/2006 08:09

Its alot easier said than done - dumping someone who is so intrinsic in your life and who also owns the property you live in - one of my various reasons for putting up and shutting up. Is there anyone out there who is doing what I do - ie. burying their head in the sand and has learnt how to cope with it? I know what you guys are saying is good and correct but not really an option. Thanks you both for your support x

OP posts:
missscarlett · 17/03/2006 09:24

Hi Lulu
Burying your head in the sand is only a temporary option. If you're upset and feeling sad about this now, you're not going to be able to take a magic pill to suddenly make everything ok and if your partner has been like this for so long & you're basically going along with it, he's unlikely to change. I put up with an awful bloke for ages, hoping it would get better. It didn't. I finally found the strength the leave and within a year met my current partner (now been together for seven years) and life has drastically improved. Sometimes, esp if you've been together for ages, the thought of leaving does seem impossible especially if you have kids. But it's not and you can do it.

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