I'd like to connect with other bipolar mums

[LesleyPumpshaft]

Hi there, I am a bipolar mum (among other things). It's not something I'm ashamed of, although I'm not exactly proud of it either iyswim. So, I only discuss it with couple of people in RL.

Although I'm stable on my medication, and I have some group art therapy coming up, if you have bipolar you will know that things can still get a little intense, even when you're well. To be honest I often feel as though it's like the sword of Damocles hanging over me. Even though I'm much more stable and have found coping strategies, I know I'm not immune to episodes.

DP is very patient and supportive and he has been my rock. I had an episode of psychotic depression about two and a half years ago, that I think was bought on by the stress of moving twice in one year, relocating, having nasty ongoing health problems, some surgery that went badly wrong and being bullied by my boss because of having to keep taking time off work. It just tipped me over the edge. Looking back I can see that I have always had episodes of mania and depression since my mid teens.

I'm lucky enough to live in a rural area with a brilliant local mental health service and I am about to be discharged by my CPN and psychiatrist. I do feel as though things are on the up. I now have a clean bill of physical health and being discharged is like having a clean bill of mental health too (as long as I continue to look after myself).

I have been very frank with DS (13) about my bipolar. My father is bipolar and has psychotic episodes and I only found out this out 5 years ago. DM and DF (both were teachers) had always tried to keep it hidden, although I knew there was something odd about DF's behaviour! In a way I wish they had just been open. It just goes to show that even 'respectable' people can be bat-shit crazy behind closed doors.

I don't think you have to make a big deal about it, but being honest means that kids don't spend their lives wondering what they have done to cause such behaviour.

Anyway, ramble over. If you want a chat...

Hi
i am interested to know more about bipolar from real people and their experience. I very recently split with DP who diagnosed me as being bipolar! It really hurt me but has made me think. I think my confidence is at an all time low and it is more depression and stress!
what does mania feel like ( if you dont mind me asking)

Hi, I'm diagnosed bipolar I. Like you live rurally. Medication keeps me stable, but I had to come off when pg and bf and became very ill again, resulting in 2 hospital stays, for 5 months.

I have one DS, only 11months old, not sure how to broach the subject when he's older.

TBH, I feel its ruined my life :( no job, can't drive, reliant on DP.

rainbow it depends what you mean by mania. My 'lesser' manic episodes are no sleeping, self harming, high anxiety and panic attacks, suicidal, out of control drinking/sex/spending.

My full blown manic episodes are difficult to describe, as I don't remember much about them, its like being absolutely wasted, except without drink or drugs. I was convinced the nurses/someone was taking my things and hiding them, and spent days constantly interrogating people trying to find where my petit filous were. Looking back, I think I had put them in the bin, but forgotten.I fought with nurses, police, thought lots of bad thoughts towards my child, became psychotic with messages from god, visions of the future etc.

I've got bipolar and am currently trying to fend off a mixed episode. It's bloody hard work, I'm just taking each day at a time, trying to channel my energy positively (eg weeding the garden for the first time this summer) and hoping it's not going to get any worse. I went to the GP on Monday as soon as the tidal wave of agitation and irritation came in on top of the hyper mood. So now I'm signed off work for 2 weeks and have got Zopiclone to take at night (gives me a headache but does stave off the anxiety). Forgot to take it last night, had a very broken night's sleep and have felt quite agitated, tearful and irritable today.

I was only diagnosed a few years ago. In hindsight I can see I was having episodes, especially mixed, since the age of 11 if not earlier. I was just labelled as difficult, moody, irrational, over emotional, naughty. No one ever considered that I might have a serious mental health condition. I find that quite upsetting tbh.

Being diagnosed has changed my life for the better so much. When I used to have episodes I would end up destroying my life, I'd often end healthy relationships, start negative ones, give up jobs, overspend, move house ... so much disruption that it would literally take years to recover from the chaos I had caused. At least now I know what's going on and can get help before I do anything outrageous and destructive. That's the plan anyway! I don't think there are any absolute guarantees when you're dealing with bipolar. No matter how much you look after yourself it can strike at any time. I find that very scary even when I'm healthy.

Sorry if I've gone on a bit or have rambled but like I said I'm a bit hyper atm!

I don't have bipolar, but have read this thread with interest and wanted to say what absolutely incredible women I think you are, motherhood, life is hard enough without the challenges you face, but you seem to have accepted and managed your lives brilliantly. warm wishes.

Hello all, I am diagnosed bipolar 2. I take lamictal and it's been a godsend. Haven't had a depressive episode for about 4 months now. Undertaking a battle with my DS's school at the moment - he has possible autism spectrum disorder/or + and developmental delays > I'm finding it tough because ever since my diagnosis they are trying to blame my having bipolar on his delays. You have to stay tough and not tell too many people IMO. I've been too honest. I'll keep in touch with this thread

Mustn't forget - there are some very good fb groups for bipolar people - even one for bipolar parents - might be worth joining them.

HI, im currently waiting for my psychiartrist appointment at the end of this month to give me a formal diagnosis, my own GP thinks im more on the bipolar spectrum as oppossed to just clinical depression and anxiety which i have suffered from for 20 years and would benefit from some mood stabilisers.

I had a couple of hospital stays in my late teens early twenties and was given a course of ECT both times, ive been on anti depressants for 18 years constantly although they have been changed over the years.
I never in a million years thought i had bipolar as i have an aunt and uncle with the illness and when they have been ill they loose touch with reality completely , up until recently i just thought that was what bipolar was, i didnt realise there was a spectrum and a type two. Once my GP mentioned that she thought i had it i looked up the type two online and i have and have had every single symptom it just suddenly hit me and was a huge epiphany this is what i have!
Ive moved around allot over the years and i think that is why this hasnt been picked up sooner.

I had an episode 10 weeks ago it started as it has many times, feel like i want to go out and have fun, spend too much money on things i dont need but at the time feel i really need them.Drinking too much until i black out, arguing with my hubby for no reason, he is such a lovely man and to be honest dont know how the hell he put's up with me, then it changed i was hit by extreme anxiety couldnt stop crying, crippling anxiety that i couldnt sit still kept pacing, racing thoughts. The Gp referred me to crisis unit, was asked lots of questions, if i was suicidal etc... i said that although i have in the past i havnt now as bad as i feel i have two lovely children dependant on me and a lovely husband that i just couldnt do that too and basically because im not suicidal im not a prioty, was told i would get a psychiatyrist appointment in 4/6 weeks, its turned out to be 12 weeks. Had no other phonecalls, help etc..... I live in a city and i think the resorces are just fully stretched but even so it is disgusting. If i didnt have such a supportive husband and friends to help me what would have happened?! Im allot better in myself now, the doctor gave me a load of diazapam which helped the anxiety but ive been a bit zombie like. Im no where near 100% havnt been for years and feel like im in limbo at the moment as i have two weeks until this appointment where i may or may not be diagnosed!

Can really identify with some of you, especially neuroticmumof 3 i spent years doing exactly the same, left a huge trail of destruction behind me, lost friends, lost jobs, moved lots of times, trying to run away and start a fresh only for it to happen all over again.

Sorry ive rambled on for ages here.... if your still here thanks for reading. x

Just wanted to add...and i know im skipping ahead of myself here but i know both my aunt and uncle have put on allot of weight due to their medication and reading up about different mood stabilizers weight gain seems to be a side affect of most of them........have any of you put on weight?

I know it seems a small price to pay if your mind is well but i have a huge hang up on my weight and sometimes i have buliema, it kind of goes hand in hand with my behaviour, will do it for weeks, months at a time and then i stop.

I was diagnosed with BP2 a few months back after being hospitalised with severe depression. To be honest it was a relief as it made sense of the last 20+ years where I was either having a great year or was severely depressed. I'm now on quetiapine and lamotrigine to keep the depression and mood swings in check.

I'm back at work after 7 months off and it is hard at times as I have involuntary movements and other side effects, but I'm glad to be back as it means that my life isn't just about the children and my health.

I also get Bulimic when anxious and stressed or I am putting on weight and it doesn't help that both of the meds I am on have side effects of weight gain. I'm doing at least 30 mins of exercise every day - cycling or swimming - to keep my weight in check, after I put on 12lb in the space of a couple of weeks. I too have been stopped from driving, but every cloud has a silver lining that now I have to cycle and walk everywhere it keeps my weight in check.

If I can not be depressed for a year, I will be happy.