so sick of me!

[roseybump]

not sure whether I will make any sense.

Mum of two - 2 year old and 5 month old. Love them both immensely. Can't give them both the attention I want to, or feel they deserve and its driving menuts. I NEVER get any time (this moment is a rare one).Just screamed at my baby as he was screaming - he's forgotten how to get himself to sleep - he usually falls asleep at the breast and I am trying to sleep train him - toddler is down for a nap.

my temper suddenly fires up and its always sparked by a rage in my head that I just want a little down time. HV has just done another pnd score on me and I am fine - and I answered all questions honestly - some days are ab fab -others,stuck indoors with no energy or incentive -sometimes keeping them happy is overwhelming. They are fantastic kids and I am so lucky and hubby has been supportive in a hands-on way when he's home. Stillgetting woken up through night for feeds and its thedays without much rest that I feel I am losing it.

...or am I hiding frommyself - am I hiding behind sleep deprivation. I have yelled at the kids more than I ever thought I would. I dont think, having spoken to other mums,that this is more than normal but I am not happy with how I am.

I cant believe I just lost it with the little one....

roseybump honey, it happens. It happens quite a bit in my house and lots in most other houses to. You're stretched that's all. It is such a juggle and I totally understand not being able to give each one what you want to (as well as having just that little bit of space to breathe).

I have DTs (19months) and a DD (5yrs). It was hell in the beginning and, if I'm honest, not hugely better now!! The worst thing was when I did get them to nap at the same time I still had a 3.5 yr old that needed me and I felt suffocated with the pressure. Its taken me quite a bit of learning to say "ok, what's really the most important thing here" and to accept that I can only do one thing at a time. Neither of them will remember this time in their lives and your 2 yr old is slightly up in the pecking order of needing you at that very moment. I dealt with my 3yr old and learned to let the others cry a bit and not feel guilty. I'd rather it was different but I did my best. You're doing your best. Take care .

thanks frumpygrumpy it always helps to know others are there - I just wish I had a built-in trip switch to stop the sparks flying - usually it happens when there is no real cause - they are just being babies! I feel surrounded by mums who cope better and I feel I dont measure up. I prob focus on my bad points too much.

thinking about it I have rarely let either of them cry it out... a padded cell would be good...

Sending you lots of support roseybump. It IS hard work and at times it feels IMPOSSIBLE to split yourself in two, let alone find 2 minutes for yourself to have a pee. It wont hurt them to wait for bit, provided you make sure they are safely in the cot or pram. I hope it helps a little knowing that you are not alone. It DOES get easier as they get older though - but I doubt that is what you want to hear right now. Hang in there. And scream on here wheever you want. I've been doing a lot of screaming lately

roseybump, I'm the same. I flare up, even though I try not to (I hold it, hold it, hold it and then I'M GONE and I'm embarrassed when the neighbours wave hi). But y'know we're only human. I find I have days its easy to ride the surf and others when you feel like someone else is living in your body. The good thing is that you're on here releasing a bit of it and that's a good thing. I do so frequently, you should read my regular thread!!!!! Good luck babe and by the way, its wine time!!! 2 glasses between 5 and 7pm does wonders .

Don't be hard on yourself roseybump.

I absolutely firmly refuse to believe that there is anyone who doesn't loose it occasionally with their children and caring for two under three is beyond demanding. I remember feeling exactly as you describe when mine were that little, I only wish I'd known about mn then. It's so easy to feel like everyone is much calmer/more organised/better mother etc but I've yet to find someone that I think this about after a heart to heart over a cuppa or a glass of wine. I know for a fact that DH's work colleague's DW thinks I'm uber mother etc but I know that I'm so not. In fact the truth be known I've a pretty short temper and a bad tendency to rant at the DD's when they push me too far.

On a practical point why don't you join a gym or healthclub with a creche, you could biff them both in occasionally and go for a swim or have a treatment or even just a cup of tea and a read in peace.

I will get better, I promise

roseybump, i know what you mean. take time out when ever you can grab a moment, just for a bath or something , if dh can hold the fort for 20 mins of an evening. a glass of your favourite wine or whatever does wonders at tea time! you sound like a very normal mum to me. focus on the guilt you felt when you had your little screaming moment and i think you will be less likely to do it again, we all make mistakes. i think we all, as mums, have basic human rights, such as eating, going the loo, and having a shower! so if they all have to wait, cry or whatever whilst you do these things, so be it, as long as they're safe. try and get yourslelf a bit more help if you can. good luck.x

thanks heaps folks - had 5 hours solid sleep last night and feel like a new woman! if wine would send ds2 off to sleep (b'feeding) then I would drink a barrel! It just gives him a sore tum - role on solids! Someone told me that prolonged breastfeeding can make you topsy-turvy - any takers on that one?!