how bad are your bad days with the kids?

[runningmom]

Only asking as I had a terrible day the other day and was afraid for my mental health at one point. If I say it out loud it sounds ridiculous but at the time I lost it. In a nutshell, I am exhausted, work full time but was on a day off with both little ones at home (4 and 2.) They were both screaming, non stop, winding each other up, doing everything I told them not to etc. Then I find the mirror smeared with toothpaste, a bed room trashed and the eldest is laughing in my face as I started crying. I lost it. I felt so angry but sad as well. I wanted to be on my own and they were both in my face and I wanted them to get away. In the end, to my shame, I told them to do what they liked and left them upstairs with the stair gate on. Downstairs I tried breathing calmly and told myself not to leave the house. I'd cut my arm in the midst of it all, on purpose, but not in front of the kids and felt helpless. I was hysterical.
It could have gone on but when I went upstairs and saw my son tidying the room I just felt like the worst mom in the world. I hugged them both and after a while all was ok. I was emotionally drained for the rest of the day though and worry about the effects on the kids of them seeing me lose it. I have never ever hit them or harmed them, although I think sometimes I am close to it. They are amazing kids but I have always found motherhood hard and think they deserve better.
Do other people have days like this?

Oh yes I do. Mine are a similar age, and some days I do completely lose the plot too. Over trivial things too, but they build up. For me this week it is my ds (3) who keeps weeing all over the house and then laughs at me, even though I've been telling him to go to the toilet for the last ten minutes and he insists he doesn't need to. I can't even remember the other things that make me mad, but I do, I see red and have to be by myself. I get really sad when my kids say to me "I don't want you to come in [to the bathroom] i want to be by myself" and I know they have heard it from me.
I don't or have never self-harmed so I can't comment on that part, but I do feel the same way. Although sad, it's kind of nice to know I'm not the only one to get like this.

I know exactly what you mean about it draining you for the rest of the day too. I also feel incredibly guilty about it.

I'm sure many of us have felt like that, runningmom. I have screamed myself practically hoarse and done and said things I am weeping with shame over half an hour later. I have twins who are a bit older than yours now but I remember the year between 3 and 4 with particular horror and can feel your pain. I would say ... kids are very forgiving and they know you love them and really, truly, it will get better.

I don't self harm but I think we all have our coping mechanisms. I eat (compulsive overeating) every time the kids stress me out (or if I'm lonely, bored, sad, worried, you name it) so on a bad day I do a lot of shouting and a lot of eating. Then I feel guilty and sad, so I eat... which makes me feel ashamed... so I eat... You get the picture! lol

No, on a bad day, the kids (5 and 2) fight and fight and scream and spit (No idea why, we do NOT condone this and we never do it ourselves) stamp up and down the stairs, I worry about the neighbours (who have silent children) complaining. My eldest makes mess, I mean real mud sand beanbag balls talcum powder lego everywhere kind of mess. The youngest bites, and is exceptionally strong willed. In a battle of wills with me she always wins no matter how strong I try to be. If I'm honest she kinda scares me a bit, which is mental.

They beat each other up, tell on each other all day and fib about who did what. They compete for attention and they won't let me poo in peace. I wander about the house on a bad day, looking for a few moments peace, but they just follow me about going "look how high I can jump! mum mum mum mumumumumum look at me look at meee" - familiar? I have never ever told them to fuck off, but I do in my mind occasionally.

Sometimes I hoover just to shut them up for a few minutes.

Sometimes I throw biscuits at them, switch peppa on, because I know that's the magic combination which means actual, real peace and quiet, and then I go and sit with a coffee in another room and take deep breaths. This last week of the holidays has been a bitch. I think you just have to do what you can to cope and don't try to be the perfect mum. All you can do is your best, and on a bad day when you have pmt, the kids are climbing the walls, just try getting out for a bit, wear them out on a walk or at the park, or even just shove them in a bath full of toys, and sort out the mess when they're in bed. It never all gets done but it's not worth getting too stressed about. Do you have a friend you can confide in? I feel much better about not being perfect now I have a friend or two on my level who have messy houses or occasionally shout like a fishwife at their darling kids lol

Is your eldest starting school next week?

Oh God. Is this what I have to look forward to?! DS 17 months and another on the way!

In all seriousness though OP I just wanted to say what a lovely, honest thread. I hope you find comfort from the thoughtful and supportive replies.

I have been known to hide in the bathroom. Please don't harm yourself-no good will come of it x

I know exactly what you mean.

A bad day here looks a bit like this: cbeebies / dvd on (or switch between the two, as DS has learnt how to operate them), a picnic on a plate for him in the front room, I get out of bed to open curtains and get him dressed... Then I go back to bed. Not necessarily to sleep, just to escape. I shouted at DS the other day, and shut myself in the toilet. Then shut the stair gate to keep him in his room for two minutes whilst I tried to calm down. We both ended up crying. What a mess.

Can I give you a tip about the self harm? I promise myself I can do it once DS is asleep when i get the urge to do it during the day. And then by the time he is in bed, I've usually chilled out a bit, and so I don't need to. Sometimes it still happens, but less frequently than when I did it as soon as I felt I wanted to.

I have had very similar days to this, including the SH (although have managed to delay it until they are asleep or out of the house). Can't offer any direct help but wanted you know you are not alone