I am very certain that I'm not going to do anything to end my life, but the only thing stopping me is my children... should I worry that one day that won't be enough?

[Stigmata]

I hope that wasn't too confronting a subject line, but I just wanted to let anyone clicking on here know that I absolutely am not sitting here trying to figure out how to do this, or how not to...I've got therapy, medicine, everything, and the reality (obviously, that's MY reality) is that nothing is going to change, but I cannot and will not do anything to bring such pain to my children, for as long as I am in position to control it.

I do not have any particular mental health problem, I am depressed, but I think it has been ascertained that this is just circumstantial rather than a chemical thing (for want of a better way to describe it).. I live overseas, have lost both my parents in the last couple of years (one passed away the other is so challenging in their behaviour that I have to keep as far a distance as possible), my relationship with my DH seems to be beyond help (ie I've done absolutely everything I can bloody think of, and he has not, and just thinks we can carry on with the status quo), my children are passed the really trying (for me) toddler stage, and are happy and well, and we have come through some real financial scares to a relatively stable position, which is a darn site (sight?) more than many can say.

At the core of all this is the disintegration of my relationship, my being away from the UK, and my complete (it seems) loss of identity as a separate person. I am extremely proud of my children, they are gorgeous, bright, and the best thing I ever did was have them, but EVERYTHING else is pretty bleak. I truly have no desire to keep trying for my own sake, but am determined to keep the show on the road for their sake.

I know that if they were adversely affected by our/my difficulties then i might think differently, but for now, at least they are not.

So, has anyone any experience of dealing with this kind of situation, and am I deluding myself to think I can keep these daily feelings to myself (and my therapist) ?

Many thanks if you made it this far...

Stig

I have been there yes :(
So sorry you are feeling this way.

If your relationship with your DH is bad/unfixable, and you are missing your life in the UK, would It be possible to have a prolonged break over here, to give your relatioship a break, and let you see wheyher moving back here would be an option.

What took you away from the uk? Was it DH's family or work? If so, and your relationship is breaking down, then your depression Is understandable. The loss of parents is also

Hi
First of all I have no real experience of depression (there but for the grace of God and all that) and mental health issues, but didn't want to ignore you!
Answering your last question first, I imagine you could probably keep plodding on without really dealing with this, but then you'll probably get to a situation one day when your worst fears are confirmed (ie you have nothing to live for) and then you look back and wonder if you should have sorted it out earlier.
So in my opinion, the earlier is NOW!

Life can be shit, I know this because the one bout of what I imagine was circumstational type depression was when my mum died. I was 15 (am now 42). It was a really bleak time, I got through it with a number of very very good friends who listened and comforted and counselled etc i didn't have professional counselling.

Now you living overseas means you probably don't have those long term friends close at hand, those friends who know you through and through and you don't have to explain things to, they just know. Also it sounds like you don't have the type of relationship with your DH that you are able to unload in a good way.

Could you take a trip home and see some old friends for some chats and support?? Could you get some relationship counselling?? It's very easy to lose sight of our own identity, when you are wife, mother etc etc. I currently am not very fulfilled as an individual, but I know my kids are young and this is just a stage and at some point I will get more time for myself.

Sorry these are just random thoughts, I donh't know if any of this helps, but whatever stage you're in, it won't always be like this, and so why not try to take control of steering the direction you do want to be in in 2 or 5 or 10 years time?? Easier said than done I know, but hopefully someone will come along that can help a bit more x

Oops, posted too soon

Loss of parents is very hard to deal with too.

You sound very glum :(

Am not sure how to go home with my children - would not want to take them away from teh routine etc., let alone not being able to afford it - and if I left them here..?? I went away for the weekend last month, that was supposed to be a break to give me sleep etc., and all it did was give me more time to consider the situation, but didnt' change it.
Yes, you're right about the close friends, that has been a huge loss when moving away, but I feel that I can't really land on their doorsteps, either in reality or metaphorically.... I have a fantastic therapist, oh I know i sound as if I don't want help, I just don't think there's anything left that will help. We came back to the uk for a month in the last year, which was an extreme mixture, loved an awful lot of it, but didn't fix DH and I of course.

I feel very much in control, weirdly, in that I know that I am choosing to stay, put one foot in front of the other, etc., but yes, utterly bleak and desolate most days. Even therapist has mentioned, obliquely, that there might be point where separation is the only way, but I honestly cannot get my head to that point. I will not put my children through that whilst they don't seem to suffering.

I am in my mid-40's and truly feel as if my best years are over. Actually they are.

Feel for you
In similar situation, overseas and so really get the loss of identity issue also..was about go post something along those lines myself!
Don't know what to say otherwise but will post later when I can

Sorry, that last bit sounded very self-absorbed/pointless. If it explains better, we are now near ILs and I see that my DH has suddenly (since we got here 5 years ago) morphed into his father. will do absolutely anything for anyone, but his wife (MIL) is wallpaper. There all the time, but he'd only notice if she was actually missing.

She has belatedly got her own life together (is now 75) and has spent the last 10 years getting a v v busy social/volunteering life which now more or less keeps her sane. It fills me with horror that we are them 30 years earlier.

So whats main issue for you? Midlife angst ?? I'm not being sarcastic btw, according to mg therapist the middle passage years are the most challenging but potentially the must rewarding in terms of self development ( Jung). Yes, we're losing our looks, overwhelmed with responsibilities but this is life's natural cause and maybe self discovery and finding peace some reward??
Or is it being overseas? Linked or not to identity issue? Trailing spouse syndrome???