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How to help friend with unrequited love.

1 reply

ColouringIn · 25/08/2012 15:54

This is a difficult one and I am not sure what to do about it. I have met a girl through church who has become a friend. However, she has definitely got some mental health issues. This is not an issue for me as I am a long time sufferer of depression. However, recently she disclosed a fairly serious crush on our local priest. This man is in his 40s and very committed to his decision to become a priest. He is perfectly happy with the decision he has made and says he has no regrets about giving up the chance of a family. He has lots of friends of which I am one hence I know a bit about him.

My concern is that this girl who has opened up to me is expressing feelings of anger and hate towards the priest - not to his face but to me. She talks of wanting to punch him, says he lead her t believe that they could have a relationship. I really doubt this as I know how committed he is, I also know my friend is misreading lots of things and not just this. Currently she is waiting to see a psychiatrist but I am concerned about her feelings of anger towards the priest. It's all a bit too odd, especially as she would not normally say boo to a goose!

It's all ringing warning bells to me about being obsessive. She has a crush on him but because he is not/cannot reciprocate she is expressing anger. This morning she and I were at the church to help with cleaning and the priest came in, as he has been away for three weeks I gave him a hug and said I was pleased to see him. He chatted with everyone present and then left to get ready for Mass, I stayed for the service but this girl did not.

When I left there was an angry text message from her saying she was leaving the church etc. Becuse I know about her feelings I responded with "Okay, I understand" nod her response was a terse "I don't think you do" (or was it a despairing comment)?

It seems she settled down while he was away and now he's back the negative feelings are back. I don't know how to help her. There are other issues (visions) and I have supported her through an appointment with her GP so she now has a referral to a psychiatrist. I really want to help her through this, she has been through more than most people cope with in a lifetime with physical illness so needs friends.

OP posts:
CanoeSlalom · 25/08/2012 22:45

It sounds like you are already being helpful and supportive to your friend. It will be up to the medical professionals to help her overcome things but you're doing what you can by listening in the meantime. How long is the waiting time for seeing a psychiatrist? If her problems worsen then she could ask the GP to chase up the appointment.

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