end of the line??

[muddleup]

I want to die, no easy way of saying/writing it, cant sugar coat it, cant make it sound any better.

I'm sitting her in tears, dont want to leave my children but I dont want to live anymore.
I saw my psychologist this morning but I kept zoning out, dont remember much about it, maybe thats a good thing, I dont know. She knows I'm struggling but today I couldnt tell her how much, couldnt tell her that I wanted to take all my tablets, couldn't tell her anything, am so stupid :(

I cant breath, cant think, dont see a future, not even sure I want one.
I just want out

My ususal Gp is now on maternity leave so its a lucky dip as to who I will get.
I haven't had a regular psychiatrist since before christmas when mine left, its been different ones each time, I'm hoping that by September they will have someone permanent.
I dont know if I can wait til then but so far all the psychiatrists I've seen since November have said they dont want to start changing things until a permanent psychiatrist is appointed.
I get their point but it doesnt help me when I feel like this.