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I don't know what to do.

13 replies

CrazyBlueDaisy · 21/08/2012 00:03

I don't know where to turn. I think I might have PND.

I can't turn to family, friends and I'm a single mum. I'm terrified of talking to the HV or GP in case I earn myself a label that could go against me in a potential custody battle with my ex. How do I get better? Do I bide my time or will that just make everything worse? Like I say, I have no one to turn to anyway and am bf so don't want to take drugs, so that's me out of options anyway, right?

Will I ever stop feeling like this on my own? :(

OP posts:
Tonightheywin · 21/08/2012 00:07

Bump. Please hang in there. Someone will come with good advice.
Take care.

CrazyBlueDaisy · 21/08/2012 00:11

Thank you. I'm going to sign off now - I have a dirty nappy to deal with, then God knows what else'll happen before I finally get to bed, only to be woken again an hour later! But I'll be back tomorrow. I didn't really expect anyone else to be up right now anyway, so thank you.

OP posts:
Mumblepot26 · 21/08/2012 09:04

Please go and see your gp, get them to assess you for PND. If that's what it is there is treatment for it, counselling or AD's or both. By the way I am a health professional, there is no way taking antidepressants will go against you in a custody battle. Taking treatment for an illness you have is a sign of a responsible, mature and caring parent, who wants to be fit to take care of her child. You will start to feel loads better, after 4-6 weeks of meds. I took them and have never regretted it for one minute. Good luck. Let us know how you get on. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

CanoeSlalom · 21/08/2012 18:27

Agree with Mumblepot26's excellent advice.

NanaNina · 21/08/2012 18:48

I too agree with Mumblepot26s advice - PND won't just go away and it will only get worse. I'm afriad there is still a stigma around mental health which means that people believe that anyone with a mental illness is "mad" and that stops a lot of people getting the help they need.

Please go to the GP asap and tell him/her your symptoms or could you talk to your HV but she of course cannot prescribe meds for you. Remember 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental illness at some pointin their lives and 4 out of 5 people make a complete recovery within 4 - 6 months.

I'm not sure but I am fairly certain that there are ADs that you can take while bf-ing.

CrazyBlueDaisy · 22/08/2012 01:05

Hi,

Sorry, this is the first chance since last night that I've had to get online. From what I've been reading, yeh, you can take some ADs whilst bf, but I'm SO anti-drugs. Always have been. I HATE the thought of relying on them.

Mumblepot - are you sure that mental illness couldn't be used against me in court? It's my absolute biggest fear.

Thanks.

CBD.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 22/08/2012 18:35

OP, think about it.

Say it gets to court. Say your husband says you have mental health issues. What could you say? "I had a touch of PND just after the birth of my child. This, combined with difficulties with my husband, meant that I had to had ADs for a while. I have taken them and feel much better now."

So what's the judge going to say? He/she would just say, "I'm so glad you're feeling better; PND can be terrible, can't it?"

That would be the end of the conversation.

In his/her head, though, they'd be thinking, "What a bastard that man is, bringing that up against her."

FWIW, OP, I had to take ADs after my son was born. I thought it was PND. Miraculously, once my husband left, the depression left, too. Best cure there was.

Mumblepot26 · 22/08/2012 21:57

OP no I am not a legal expert, so can't give you a cast iron guarantee that wouldn't go against you but just honestly can't see how it would. think you would have to have a pretty rubbish solicitor, who couldnt put up a robust defence, against anyone who tried to argue that taking AD's is a sign of parental incompetence. If that is your only concern, why not try get some legal advice. Good luck.

CrazyBlueDaisy · 22/08/2012 22:14

Thank you. I just feel like there's always so much to do and I can't do any of it, because it's non-stop work, work, work with the children - I don't get a break ever - I sleep with my son, I shower with my toddler daughter - I even pee with the bathroom door open! It's SO constant. But then it's constant for everyone, isn't it? I feel like there's no chance to do anything for me. I don't know how I'd even get to the doctor, because it's so hard to get everyone up and out of the house and in and out of the car. If I ask for help from my family, they'll want to know why I'm gonig to the doctor... I don't know. I guess it's my problem, no one else's. I just need to figure it somehow.

OP posts:
NanaNina · 23/08/2012 12:07

CBD I appreciate it might be difficult to get to the GP on a practical level, but I suspect that you are making excuses (maybe not consciously) for reasons why you can't get to the GP. If you were physically ill and needed to see a GP I'm sure you would find a way. When you say your family would want to know what was wrong, don't they realise already that something is wrong, or are you so good at hiding it. You said in your OP that you can't turn to family/friends - why is this - is it because you don't want to admit that you might have PND. It's a great pity that there is still such a stigma about mental illness that stops so many people getting the help they need.

As for the courts, no one can give you an absolute assurance, because until the case is heard and the judge has made the decision, then no one knows. I have been a soc wrk for 30 years (now retired) and worked independantly for the last 5 years of my career, and did many private law cases, which is what yours would be. You talk of a potential legal battle with your ex. Just so you know it's not called custody any more. If parents can't agree about the children they go to the Family Court and a social worker for the courts investigates the matter and makes a recommendation on which parent should be granted a Residence Order (meaning this is where the child has their permanent home) and the other parent is almost always granted contact, defined by the court if parents can't agree. Neither parent loses parental responsibility and this means that both parents should be involved in any major issues concerning the children.

I am assuming you are in agreement at present. Do you think that there could be a potential battle, as in your ex wanting the children to have his home with him........most men don't want that and are happy with contact. If this is the case I advise you to stick to that - going through the Family Courts is a very stressful, time consuming business. Dependent on circumstances you will get legal aid for legal representation in court, but this is ending in April 2013 so anyone who can't pay will have to represent themselves in court, not an easy matter.

I think so long as the children are safe and well in your care, you have nothing to worry about, and I think you need to see a GP to ensure that if your ex ever does stage some battle, you are seen to be coping, and if your don't get meds for the illness, then there could be a chance that you would be seen as not coping. I think you have far more to lose by not seeing a GP for help.

SO I would stop worrying about courts and get yourself to the GP. I think you should be telling your family and friends you are struggling at the moment. PND is a well known illness and there have been many many women suffering from this illness. You can't delay it because you are bfing because there are ADs that you can take that are safe.

SO get on the phone and make an appt and come back and tell us how you got on. It's sometimes useful to make a list of your symptoms (leaving nothing out) and give it to your GP if you feel you will struggle to say what is the matter.
You won't regret this, the only thing you will regret is not doing it sooner!

Mumblepot26 · 23/08/2012 22:09

Big thumbs up to NanaNina!!! Very sound advice, please do think about it.

NanaNina · 23/08/2012 22:20

Thanks Mumblepot I am really surprised at how many young moms on these threads are afraid to see the GP for depression, or any other mental illness. I've lost count of the number of times I have tried to re-assure these women that their children will not be take from them because they have depression/anxiety. I feel it is so sad that the stigma of mental illness is still so prevalent, which means that people don't want to see a GP, or have it on their records, or try to hide it from everyone, which of course makes things worse.
SO come on CBD there are now 2 MNs waiting to hear that you have been to the GP!!

Sending warm wishes and I'm sure neither me or Mumblepot are trying to harrass you, just trying to ensure you get the help and support you need.

Mumblepot26 · 24/08/2012 22:16

nananina yup agree, astonishing how mental illness is still such a taboo, so so sad, as If being a mum isn't hard enough without having to pretend all is well. I have spent all my life concerned about what people think of me, however when I experienced an acute episode of past natal anxiety I decided to be open about it. It was so much more stressful to hide. Although I am sure some were uncomfortable, the vast majority of people appeared to take it in their stride and often used the opportunity to tell me about their various psychological battles. CBD, don't assume the professionals you approach have no empathy with you. If stats are right, their is a 1:4 chance they have been through something similar. how are you?

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