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New mum and feeling very low

9 replies

BloominB · 16/08/2012 22:17

Hi, I haven't posted her for ages. Apologies for length of post but dont where else to turn. I have a 9 week old beautiful baby girl. Shes perfect and I love her to bits but I've never felt so lonely before. My DD is all thats keeping me going. My husband works long hours and all my family live abroad. I'm usually very competent but lately have been forgetting stuff a lot and making silly mistakes. I'm losing all my confidence day by day.
I have some friends here thru nct but even when I meet them I still feel lonely. I cry almost every day and not entirely sure why. I've said this to my husband but I dont think he gets it. We have not been intimate in so long and I'm sure he's not attracted to me any more. He said he is but no action to back it up. I still have 1 stone of pregnancy weight on but cant seem to shift it.
I've told several times how lonely an tired ii am and he sees me cry. This almost makes me feel worse. I feel useless and such a failure. One baby? People do this all the time and don't be phased.
I'm so tired ... But all new moms are. DD is good but cries a lot. I'm sure I could be better at minding her. I worry about something terrible happening to her.
I'm crying now as I read this thinking this is what I've become. Way should I do? Is it normal for new mums to feel this way?

OP posts:
coffeeandcream · 16/08/2012 22:29

Sure someone better suited to answer will be along soon, but it seems that it's quite normal to feel like this. Sounds like you need some support from your health visitor or GP. You might want to try the Samaritans for someone to listen without judgement. They're on the phone 24 hours.
Take care.

Tangointhenight · 16/08/2012 22:38

It sounds to me like you need to talk to someone, your HV or a dictir.

Feelings of inadequacy and anxiety are common precursors it symptoms if PND, I had it, I often thought about driving into a walk so that DD wouldn't have to be cared for by me because I was so rubbish at it.

I knew then I needed help, is there anyone you can talk to in RL? Stop putting pressure in yourself regarding weight and sex, your baby is still so iddy buddy you need to focus on her and your health, right now those are the only two things that matter, your OH needs to show you and give you his full support.

Please talk to someone, I am on antids now and considering counselling, PND is nothing to be ashamed of.

(((((((hugs))))))))))

Tangointhenight · 16/08/2012 22:39

*driving into a wall

numbertaker · 16/08/2012 22:41

Had it twice, first time left undiagnosed for 2 years. Second time I had counselling two weeks after the birth, knocked it on the head pretty quickly. Get help, not just pills.

Hoophopes · 16/08/2012 22:50

Hi - I am a young first time Mum too and i am absolutely shattered. Could you talk to your hv or Gp? I have found as ds has got older things have got easier as he sleeps more now, but those first few months (he is 5m) were so so hard. I have found having a routine of activities to get me out (even if it was the library) has helped, plus taking as many chances to sleep when dh home too!

Hope you can talk to hv, let her know how your dd is - maybe get her checked so not missing anyting (my ds had reflux I found out, now sorted!). If you do have pnd there is help out there.

Traceymac2 · 16/08/2012 23:28

It sounds like you are a wonderful and caring mother, your little girl is lucky to have you as her mum. I remember the first few months with my dd1 were so hard. I would be crying by breakfast time some days, from sheer exhaustion and worrying about poor feeding etc. I felt completely overwhelmed, it is such a hugely life changing event having your first child it takes some time to adapt and to feel confident in caring for your baby.

I remember feeling very isolated, like you my family are in a different country so at the time my only contacts were in a mother and baby group and as my baby had a few issues with feeding and slow growth I felt more anxious going to the group and seeing what she should have been doing that I stopped attending. I did a lot of walking with dd1 and am trying to do it now too as it does make me feel better mentally if I get out of the house plus it's good exercise.

It's a scary feeling being totally responsible for another human being. The first three months are the hardest, then as the baby establishes some kind of routine it does gradually start to get easier.

My dd3 is now 14 wks and only now are we starting to sleep until 5 am some nights and it is killing me! The weight will come off too, 9 wks is still very early to be back to your pre pregnancy size, you will get there, it just takes time. After 9 months of pregnancy though I do understand how you just want your old body back though and to feel in some way normal again.

If you are formula feeding/expressing perhaps your dh could give you a couple of nights off at the weekend and feed the baby so you can rest. Do talk to your doctor about how you feel. You are not a failure, you have a happy healthy baby and that is down to your love and care.

littletingoddess · 16/08/2012 23:29

I can relate to you, Bloomin, as all of my family are abroad as well. My mother visited for three weeks when my daughter was born, and the weeks after she left were very hard, as I missed the help and reassurance she provided. I agree with what Hoophopes says, which is that once a routine is established and life is a bit more predictable, things will seem better overall.

One thing I frequently did in the early days was video chat when my baby was awake in the night (my family are behind us time-wise, so they were still awake). Doing this made life more bearable if I was up late.

Just remember, no matter what, you're doing a good job and that it will get better. I'm by no means saying it will be perfect and easy but it will get better.

BloominB · 17/08/2012 13:04

Thanks for all your messages of support. I have just booked tickets to go see my family next week - need a break and extra help. Hopefully, things will seem better after that. I know everyone finds it hard and that alone helps - at least I'm not alone. I have been going for walks every day and they do lift my mood and baby sleeps then usually. I try sleep aswell when I can but I'm not able to, even though I'm so tired. I lie awake at night thinking/ worrying about things. If I dont feel better after my break home I think I'll go to the GP. Thanks again for your help, it's great to have this avenue to talk xx

OP posts:
hairytale · 17/08/2012 17:34

Please, please see your GP. I wish I had done so earlier.

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