Self esteem, depression, confidence

[Pickles77]

I'm on Setraline after a horrific breakup. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and having counselling too. I'm not feeling much better, mumsnet helps a lot. I struggle to go out socially and avoid friends. It's almost like I feel I deserve to be alone.
I have a birthing partner for my labour but I really want to be dropped off at the hospital door and left. I'm okay on my own, I feel I should be ashamed and embarrassed. If I ask for help it's admitting I've messed up. I hate relying on other people, they let me down anyway. If its just me it's almost easier, I don't have to explain.
I had my antenatal classes last night, I chose to go alone it's easier. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I'm not even sure if what happened is that bad or if it's just bad to me. The one person i trusted, relied on, loved and cared about has turned his back on me and my baby.
I'm a waste of space, a waste of time. I've always had confidence issues. I've never understood why anyone would want to be with me, but he did. Now he just thinks I'm a parasite and so do his parents.
The person i thought was a true best friend is in another country but can't even email or anything to support me. Just even a how are you. See no one really cares, so that's why I do things alone.
I don't know why im posting this, i just wanted to see if anyone feels the same.

Me!
Sorry it's a hard time pickles, or is it?
I mean sometimes I am really alone and don't feel depressed, and other times I operate in the same way and feel crap.
Crap and isolated at the moment.

It's horrible

Hey, yes sometimes, but other times being alone feels so natural to me.
When you are taking knocks like the end of your relationship, it's harder to bear.
Sorry you have split up. I'm guessing did he end the relationship. Don't despair!
You will be fine.
You will get support on here I bet.

I just went to the GP and after trying to reduce my long term AD medication unsuccessfully! she advised me to up the dose again.
Hey hoh!

Thanks it's been great on here. I just got upped on my meds. Yes he didn't want the baby.
I do like being alone as I'm more comfortable but people don't seem to think that's normal

GP challenged me on this today : " why are you being so hard on yourself crisis?
If its ok to be alone, you can be alone"
But do you find that there is this nagging doubt that you want to be that 'normal' that other people seem to be.? I do
I try to desribe it like - sometimes I'm unsociable and it's ok, sometimes I'm social able and it's okay, then sometimes I'm unsociable and it's NOT OKAY, and that's how it feels at the moment.

I gave birth alone, with midwife, I never even had a birth partner. You'll be fine.
I actually chose to be alone. Ds dad turned up the next day.

crisis that is me. Thank you so so so much. I just don't want people being offended about me wanting to be alone. I get so easy too

sorry you feel like that and you have been left to deal with this, it must be so hard at the moment.

your not alone and what you decribed is me spot on!

I only have one friend (20yrs so older then me) I prefer to be on my own because i feel i dont know how to be me? not sure who i am? i think i talk strange and look wierd. ive got zero confidence, self esteem etc and i think body dismorphia because i cry when i look in the mirror with full face of make up, i hate my size 8/10 body. :(

some days im glad i dont have to see or talk to anyone - then others i feel so isolated i feel like i can jump on a bus and talk to any one who will listen! not that i do, aint got confidence!

really hope you feel better soon x

Glad to help!
I've just booked tickets to an event " an evening with ruby wax," about her experience of mindfulness, a kind of self and others awareness approach to happiness.
I'll try anything.
and it'll be the first time I've been out of the house except for food for a couple of weeks.

Exactly I dont think I know who I am?! That's a big thing for me